Give Advice, But Don't Act Authoritative
Mar 24 '01 (Updated Jan 28 '06)
The Bottom Line Parents should assist the student in making a decision about where to go to college, but they should not force their children to go a particular school.
When you started to consider going to college, did you receive any words of wisdom from your parents? Did they offer any tips or suggestions about where you should attend, or did you make the selection completely on your own? Parents shouldn’t act aggressively, but they also shouldn’t act excessively passive either. They should try to help the child choose a college, in whatever way they can.
What Ways Can Parents be Helpful?:
Right from the beginning, a parent can help the child in selecting a college by discussing the pros and cons of the different institutions and by looking for a school that has the best reputation for the students’ chosen major. The parent can also help by taking the child to visit the different schools, and by accompanying their son or daughter on tours.
If your child is having a hard time deciding on a major field of study, you might want to suggest having he or she take an interest inventory test, to at least narrow down the possibilities. It’s not a good idea to enter a college undeclared, with absolutely no idea of what major you might select. When the student finally does make a decision, the chosen college may not be reputable in that field of study, forcing the student to either accept a sub- par education, or consider transferring to another school.
Some students are more independent- minded and don’t need as much guidance as others. But I think that every child at least wants to hear some reassuring words from the parent. In my case, I was one of the more independent- minded kids who always did things my own way. I really didn’t need much in the way of guidance and support and I was anxious to leave home and be completely independent. But I think that my situation is the exception more than the rule. I think most high school seniors do want at least a little bit of help from the parents.
What are Some Common Mistakes that Parents Make?:
Most parents do make a conscious effort to do the best they can when their child selects a college. However, I have witnessed many bad parental decisions which, in some cases, have ruined their son or daughters careers and/or caused the student excessive amounts of stress and unhappiness. Here are a few common mistakes that parents make:
1. Forcing the Child to Choose a Certain Major- This is something I witnessed when I was a student. I knew of some parents who insisted that their child get a degree in a more practical field of study, like engineering or business, or else the parent would not pay for tuition. These students usually didn’t even like these more practical fields at all, preferring instead to study liberal arts. But the parents didn’t seem to care at all! They still insisted on their child taking a career path with more financial opportunities.
2. Indifference- Some parents show absolutely no interest whatsoever in their child’s higher education. They just let the child venture out on their own, without offering any guidance, reassurance, or advice. Some parents even behave enviously toward the child, because they never had this opportunity themselves.
3. Selfishness on the Part of the Parent- There are some parents who make the mistake of putting their own interests ahead of the student, when it comes time to select a college. This can sometimes be due to the parent having an athletic interest in a certain school; a desire for the student to enroll in a religiously- affiliated college; or the desire that their child attend the same college that they did, when they were younger. These parents want their child to enroll in a certain school for purely selfish reasons. Maybe it’s just because the parent has always been a fan of the sports teams at the local state college, so they want their child to enroll there. Or, maybe the parent wants their child to go to a religious school, thinking it will make the child more pious. Or, in some cases, the parent who also attended college wants their son or daughter to attend their alma mater, even though their child doesn’t want to and even though the school is not reputable in the child’s chosen field of study.
4. Placing Excessive Pressure on the Student to Perform- This is probably the mistake that I saw most frequently. I would hear fellow students, talking on the phone with parents, who were saying things to them like: “If you don’t improve your GPA, I’m going to cutoff your spending money”, or “If you don’t shape up and do things my way, I’m not paying your tuition anymore, and I will force you to enroll in a strict college”. Instead of talking to the student and trying to help them through difficulties, the parent responds with threats, causing stress on top of stress. I’m not sure why, but I witnessed this problem more with the ladies than with the men, especially when it came to social issues and partying. I can only surmise that this sexist thinking is the result of the old double standard. The parents felt that it was fine for their sons to drink and carouse, but not for their daughters.
Final Thoughts:
Luckily, I was able to avoid all of these problems with college because I didn’t receive any money from my parents. I was free and independent, and I could do exactly what I wanted without having to deal with pressure or threats. Having a free ride would have been nice, but I think I enjoyed the independence more. It would have been difficult having to deal with the stress that some parents inflicted on their children.
Choosing the right college or university takes time and effort on the part of the student. Parents can, and should, get involved in the selection process. Having parents show their support can help make the prospective college student more confidant about his/her selection.
Parents should offer advice and should answer questions to assist their child in making this important decision, but they should act only as a guide, not as a selfish, stubborn authoritarian dictator. This is the child’s career and the child's future, and parents should keep in mind that the ultimate decision resides with the student, not the parent.
For More Educational Reading, Click on the Links Below:
Advice on College Admissions:
Choosing a College or University
How to Apply to College
Should I Transfer Schools?
Should I Take Time Off?
Should I Go to Grad School?
Advice on College Life:
College Survival Tips
What is College Really Like?
What I Should Know About Dealing with College Roommates
What Should I Know About Greek Life in College?
What I Should Know About Alcohol Abuse in College
What I Should Know About Spring Break Planning
What Should I Bring to School
How Can I Succeed in College Academics?
How to Manage Your Time
How Should I Deal With Tough Times in School?
How Should I Prepare for Life After Graduation?
Advice on College Finances:
Should I Take a Part Time Job?
How to Pay Off Student Loans
How to Manage Your Budget
How to Negotiate Financial Aid Packages
How to Apply for Financial Aid
Reviews of Test Prep Materials, Services, and “How To”:
800Score.com
How to Take the GMAT
How to Take the GRE
What is the GRE?
Kaplan GMAT On- Line Course
Princeton Review GMAT On- Line Course
Reviews of Specific Universities:
Wright State University
University of Dayton
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