10 Rules Of A Happy Student and A Happy Parent
Jul 25 '01
The Bottom Line Give your student support, trust, understanding, and a shoulder to lean on during this difficult time.
If you are a parent getting ready to send a student off to college for the first time, I have 10 rules that may help you to cope with this transition from high school to college.
Rule #1 Do not ask them if they are homesick. The power of suggestion can be dangerous. The idea of being homesick usually doesn’t occur until someone suggests it. The first few days are busy with activities and meeting new people, and adjusting to new situations can take the majority of a freshman’s time and concentration. So unless someone suggests it, they will probably be able to escape homesickness.
Rule #2 Write (even if they don’t).Even though college freshman are eager to leave home and experience the freedom that college has to offer, most will still be anxious to hear what is going on at home. However mundane the news may seem to you, your student will find it interesting, plus it is a tie to something familiar. There is nothing more depressing than an empty mailbox so be sure to write and write often!
Rule 3# Ask Questions (but not too many). College freshman see themselves as “cool” so they may have a tendency to resent interference with their new lifestyle. However, most still want to know that someone out there is still interested in them. Parental curiosity can be obnoxious, so avoid nagging and questions tinged with “I have a right to know.” Be honest with your inquiries and try and establish open communication and discussions.
Rule #4 Don’t Worry (too much) about distressed phone calls or letters. Parenting is a tough job, especially during the college years. Be prepared for the “I hate this place, I hate my roommate” phone calls, emails, or letters. Be patient when they turn to you for advice. You are providing them with a great service when you become their sounding board, sympathetic ear, or punching bag. You may feel lousy or inadequate but you can be providing the support your student needs.
Rule #5 Visit (but not too often).Although your student probably won’t admit it, they will appreciate your visits to campus as long as it isn’t a weekly occurrence. Be sure to include a shopping trip and/or dinner out. These visits give your student the opportunity to introduce some of the important people in both of his worlds to each other. As parents, it is the opportunity to become familiar and comfortable with your students new world, friends, and activities. Just remember that “surprise” visits will probably not be appreciated.
Rule #6 Don’t tell your student that “these are the best years of their lives.” The freshman year can be full of mistakes, disappointments, and indecisions. It is also a time for the student to discover new things about themselves and the world around them. For some students, this process can take some getting used to as they find that this is all a part of the reality of growing up. Parents need to understand that their student will experience highs and lows during this time. Don’t compound the problem and add unneeded pressure by insisting that this is the “best time” of their lives.
Rule #7 Take time to discuss finances. Sit down with your student and set up a budget before they leave for school. Since they are still financially dependent on you, they need to know how much money will be made available to them and how much of their budget they will be responsible for.
Rule #8 Prepare for their return. When it’s time for your student to return home, sit down with them to review the rules of the house. As much as you need to respect their independence and privacy, they also need to do the same with you. It is important to have the rules set ahead of time so that they can be observed without confusion.
Rule #9 Trust them.It’s time to stretch the apron strings and give them room to make mistakes. One of the most important things parents can to is let your child now that you trust them. By trusting them and letting them make their own decisions, we allow them to grow.
Rule #10 Expect Change.The one thing you can count on is that your student will change while in college. It is natural, inevitable, and can be a pain in the a**. The college experience can affect changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior. As a parent you need to know that you cannot stop this change. Just remember that your student will remain basically the same person you sent away to school, aside from interest and personality changes. The secret is to be patient and enjoy this transition. It won’t always be easy, but it can be one you can enjoy and much as your student.
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