PUSH - The White House Will Never Be The Same (Worst Movie W/O)
May 02 '02 (Updated May 04 '02)
The Bottom Line Mine is the worst, TRUST ME!!!
The Worst Movie Ever W/O
This is my entry into The Worst Movie Ever W/O hosted by Lynus. If you’ve had the opportunity to read any of the other entries, you’ll see that they are outstanding. I struggled a lot trying to write this big piece of trash, so I hope that you enjoy it, or hate it – or whatever. Rate as you will, but the 10 Worst Movies are listed below for purists. Also, due to the length of all the other reviews, I have kept the suffering to a minimum. Enjoy.
Title: PUSH – The White House Will Never Be The Same.
Starring:
Mariah Carey as The First Lady
Denzel Washington as The President Of The United States
Jackie Chan as Agent Wang
Jet Li as Agent Tang
Ice Cube as Freddy
Plot
The First Lady has been kidnapped by a horde of drug lords who want the president to legalize various psycho-tropic substances ( in a bill currently on the table by Congress). Knowing full well that the FBI is inept, the President calls in super-cops Chan and Li to recapture the First Lady. One plot twist: Agents Wang and Tang (Chan and Li) don’t speak English, so their voices will be dubbed by Chris Tucker and Eddie Murphy.
The kidnappers have given The President 5 days to sign the bill to legalize their drugs, or The First Lady is going to “get it”. Afraid of backlash, The President is keeping the whole ordeal hush. In order to fully explore the twisted minds of the killers and to show the depth of this crop of actors, the movie will have a running time of 210 minutes. There will be MANY explosions and some very tender moments between The First Lady and the kidnappers. Fully exploring Denzel’s depth as an actor, we will watch him go through a range of emotions as he fights to win back the love of his life and demands The First Lady’s safe and sound return.
Of course, with Agents Wang and Tang there will be lots of high adventure and martial arts stunts. There will be many “matrix-like” stunts and lots of explosions costing upwards of $3 million. In the end, Wang and Tang will save the first lady and demolish the kidnappers, but it will be too late because The POTUS will have already signed the bill to legalize the drugs. Directed by myself: Perkins, Push is going to be the biggest action/thriller since Naked Gun 33 1/3.
Review of Push - Written By A Scholarly Movie Reviewer
Title: More Dreck Than Humanly Allowed
Never before in my multitudinous sojourns to the multiplex have I ever witnessed a cinematography debacle of this magnitude. With her newest spectacle, Push, Perkins has created a moronic behemoth of garbage and attempted to herald it as some new-age glorification of violence and heroism.
What? I Really Loved This Film
I would divine that any brainless half-wit could endure the torture that Perkins has afflicted upon the masses. There’s plenty of incendiary action scenes and even a gratuitous showing of Mariah Carey’s mammaries that would keep any adolescent male affixed to the movie screen. The movie (if one were to call it a movie) takes place over a 5-day period and throughout that time frame the viewer gets to see Washington (playing POTUS) fret around like a turkey on a farm while he strives to maintain a calm disposition as well as rescue his spouse from the copiously evil drug heathens that have captured her.
Agent Tang (Li) plays the cantankerous partner who desires to get the job done and go about his business. Agent Wang (Chan) likes to revel in malarkey and such and at times provides a comedic relief from the action scenes that seem to come from around every corner. Tang and Wang (who wrote this again?) are somewhat of an “Asian Bad Boys” type duo, reminiscent of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in “Bad Boys”. Even more offending to the educated movie-goer is the fact that since Li and Chan speak very little English their voices were dubbed utilizing the distinct voices of Chris Tucker and Eddie Murphy. That in and of itself is fodder enough to keep away some, but since this movie grossed $70 million dollars its opening weekend, I guess the high jinks of Tang and Wang outweigh the highfalutin violence conjured throughout this “film”.
Ice Cube, and I detest to utter these words is the movie’s savior. Though he mumbles many maledictions and desires to legalize drugs, one can’t help but to feel an affection for the dope (pun intended) and as a “relationship” ensues between Freddy and The First Lady you grow to like him.
I must admit that the action sequences within PUSH are fairly climatic. Li and Chan are none throughout the world as some of the major stars in the martial arts world and they don’t disappoint fans of their artistry. They battle many of the movies evil-doers with little to no effort, which is a welcome sidetrack and distraction from this 3 hour plus showing. The pyrotechnics included in PUSH are also a sight to see. Some of the explosions are mind-blowingly real albeit with no purpose, but for your typical Joe Schmoe with no brain, this will do just fine.
Not to be outdone, Mariah Carey as The First Lady attempts to sooth her kidnappers by singing but ends up sounding like a herd of howler monkeys in heat. Sure, she’s a great piece of eye-candy but as an actress she’s a detriment to any film and ends up looking like a floozy.
I implore you to resist the media propaganda that is so pervasive and that urges you to place yourself under Perkins influence. Fight the powers that be and boycott this atrocious and supercilious exhibition of some of the most malapropos acting I’ve ever beheld. I haven’t given away the ending of the movie, but suffice to say that it is just as cliché as you could potentially imagine and probably worse.
The 10 Worst Movies Ever - In No Particular Order
1. Reindeer Games – Starring Ben Affleck and Charlize Theron, I really like the both of them so this one was a major disappointment. Weak plot, terrible actors…BLEH!
2. Eye Of The Beholder – Starring Ashley Judd. Maybe this one just sucks so bad because I didn’t “get it”, no I take that back, it’s terrible.
3. Made – Starring a whole host of people who should have made this a good movie.
4. 15 Minutes – I mean, really – were people serious about this? I can’t believe Deniro would even sign up for this movie. It’s just wrong, wrong, and wrong.
5. Showgirls – Is it over yet? The longest, most ridiculous showing of gratuitous sex and nudity that I’ve ever seen be called a movie.
6. Dude, Where’s My Car? – The consummate watch it while you’re high movie, you can only laugh at this farce. But then, there’s not too much to laugh at.
7. How To Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood – The title in and of itself should speak volumes as to why this movie is so terrible. Another of the Wayans Brothers films, this one had potential and making fun of all “black” movies, but ended up just being plain corny.
8. BAPS – Starring Halle Berry – I bet she wishes that this one would just go away. Alas, it’s still around as a testament that actors can grow.
9. I Got The Hook Up – Master P was allowed to make a movie and distribute it to the masses, that’s just not fair. Coupled with terrible acting and having to watch Master P – this one is awful.
10. Glitter – I love Mariah, but this movie was so gut-wrenchingly bad - I wanted to cry for her. I think Mariah is talented (as a singer) and letting Vondie Curtis-Hall direct this movie was a BIG mistake.
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Member: Cletta The Great
Location: Northern Virginia
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