There's not a cuss word out there to describe my feelings.
Written: Nov 07 '06 (Updated Nov 17 '06)
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The air was thick with the tension of the first day of High School. You could almost ‘hear’ the thoughts of the freshman as they wandered through the hallways. “Is my zipper up?” “Oh man, I hope my zit isn't showing.” “That guy in the corner is new this year. I wonder if he is in my grade?” Students were bumping into one another aimlessly like the metal ball bearing in a pinball machine; rolling through the maze of doors, bumpers and obstacles, lost and without a purpose.
The school was small in comparison to most schools. On any given school year you could expect an average of approximately 250 students from kindergarten thru 12th grade. The lockers were separated into banks to make it easy for the students to find their locker. The middle school students had to share lockers. The grade school kids had to use their desks for their belongings. The high school students had their own lockers in sections. Each grade was issued a bay of lockers in a certain area of the hallway. I remember how I couldn’t wait to be a high schooler so I could have a locker of my very own.
You could hear the frustrated groans of the masses as they attempted to open their lockers for the first time. The combinations to the lockers were correct; it was the instructions of how many turns to the left or right that left something to be desired. I stood at my locker and said a slight prayer under my breath that it would open with ease. Left 3 turns, right 2 turns, left 1 turn and viola, it opened. I was one of the lucky ones. As I put my books into the locker and shut the door, I noticed a girl had approached the locker near mine. I had never seen her before. I had been a student at this school for 5 years already and I knew most everyone. The fact that she was so close to my locker led me to believe she was in my grade. I walked over to her and introduced myself to her. She smiled and told me her name was Pam.
Now I could continue this how I started it and let you know how we became friends, but that isn't relevant right now. I will only mention the fact that it was the 1977-78 school year. From that moment on, Pam and I were inseparable. To coin a popular movie quote, we were like ‘peas and carrots’. We did everything together. We knew what the other was thinking. We endured the loss of loved ones in our lives. We always knew when to leave the other alone or when to be there. Our relationship was a gem. I could liken it to the Hope Diamond. It was a rare, beautiful and one of a kind friendship that most people could only dream of having.
We remained the closest of friends right into our adult lives. Then one day, it happened. We lost touch. Things happened, circumstances beyond our control and when the dust cleared, we had no idea where the other went. A serious lack of communication made me believe that we might not be friends anymore. In 1997, I spoke to her for the last time.
Many times from that day forward I would find myself telling people stories of how Pam and I would do this or that. I would be laughing as I would tell the story only to have it fall on deaf ears. These people would never be able to relate to the stories like Pam and I could. It was an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach seeing that they couldn’t feel the joy I felt, or the pain I experienced with my dear friend Pam.
Now some of you may know me enough to know that I have lost both of my parents. I was basically an orphan by the age of 39. That may not seem awful to some of you, but if you had the relationship with your parents that I did with mine, you would understand my loss. I have written many times on here my feelings about their deaths but I have only once mentioned the loss of my friend Pam. I don’t honestly know why I could never write of her on here the way I did my parents. I think it was because I was able to still talk to my mom and I had closure with my dad. With Pam, I had nothing. One day she was there, then poof, the next she was gone. I had no closure, no contact, nothing. I just had a terrible empty void that only she could fill.
October 18th of this year, I was online and I ran across an ad on a website for www.Classmates.com. I honestly don’t know why I clicked on it this time, I just did. I had gone to the ‘other’ classmate reunion sites and never found her name. I’m not sure why I thought this time it would be different. I remember my search on the ‘other’ sites turned up dead ends. As a matter of fact, my school wasn’t even listed on the Classmates main competitor’s site! The fact that my school was so small made it easy for me to search these sites. I mean seriously, we only had 18 students in our graduating class so how hard would it be to find someone’s name in there that I would recognize.
First Impressions
I found that upon entering their site, you first needed to put in the pertinent information such as the city and state you lived in and you could click on the name of your school in and it would immediately bring up the place where you would sign in. At the top of this page it would let you know how many people had registered that went to the same school. The only caveat I could see to that was if you had gone to a school that had been around for many years, it could mean you were finding people that graduated many years prior to or after you did. On the plus side, this site gave a 4 year window next to your name so people would know approximately when you graduated. That could be good or bad depending on the size of your school. It didn’t affect me because I knew most of the people that attended my school. That being said, signing up to enter the site required little information. They basically wanted my name, address year of birth, year of graduation and email address along with a maiden name if applicable. Pretty simple stuff if you ask me and no financial commitments, thus far.
So Far, So Good
With a click of the ‘submit’ button you were taken to ‘your school’. You were asked to fill in a brief profile about yourself consisting of about 8-10 questions. Then, you were finally at your page for your school. In bold letters at the top of the page it showed your school name and then on the left column it showed the amount of people that had signed in on that site that were in your school. It separated them into categories. They were in order of Members, New, Teachers and Staff, Parents and Friends and Missing. Next to New it kept a running tab on how many new members there were. I had no idea how long someone was considered ‘New’ to the site, but it showed 10 new members when I signed up. I was intrigued by the Members button so I clicked on it and began scanning the names. Wouldn’t you know it; there it was, in black and white, Pam’s name.
Truth or Fiction?
Now at this point I cannot tell you what happened next and in what order as my hands were shaking so bad and my heart was beating so fast that I honestly couldn’t control myself. I do remember thinking to myself that I sure hoped she had an email address that was valid still since she wasn’t in the ‘New’ column. I clicked on her name and tried to read her profile. It wouldn’t allow me to read it. I scanned closer and I immediately found the link by her name that would allow me to email her. It was at this point that I felt my mouth go dry and the lump in my throat seemed to be the size of a small cantaloupe. I clicked the link and typed in the email. It was succinct but lighthearted. I merely told her who I was and was hoping to reconnect with her. I signed it and then hit send. I wasn't sure if they had somehow found her name and just put it there or if she really had signed up. I guess I was about to find out.
Get Your Wallet Out
Here, my friends, is where www.Classmates.com reels us in. It seems that without a membership, your email won’t actually be sent. You can have people send YOU email without a membership though. I was in a bit of a quandary now. Do I pay the membership fee and take a chance on a dead end email address or do I just assume that this is just a way for Classmates.com to make a quick buck? Well, in my mind, I had no choice. There were a few options. The cheapest option was 15.00 for a 3 month membership (from what I remember...to be honest, I was pretty shaken up at this point and I didn't pay attention to the exact figures except for the one I chose). There was a 1 year membership for $39.00 and a 3 year membership for what I think was $59.00. I signed up for the 1 year membership with a credit card and without a second thought. One Gold Membership and $39.00 later, I was on my way to finding my friend again. I was taken back to the page where I was before I signed up and I was left wondering if my email had been sent. So, being the efficient person I am *eye roll*, I wrote another email saying basically that I didn’t know if you got the first one, Pam, but in case you didn’t, here I am. I then checked my own email and saw that both had been sent. I closed the Classmates website and read the emails they had sent. I noticed that it stated the emails had been sent to Pam, but I didn’t recognize the last name. My first instinct was to think that I had been conned. Then, I went back to www.Classmates.com and signed in. This time, it allowed me to read her profile. The profile itself was ‘canned’ in such that it gave a list of options to choose from when it asked a question rather than letting the person type their own responses to the bios questions. I could tell these weren’t things that Pam would say. I was still skeptical. I read a bit more and then saw at the end of the profile the last question. “Why did you sign up for Classmates.com?” Her answer was identical to mine; to find an old friend. Yup, that was Pam. I just knew it. Call it a gut feeling. Call it indigestion. After having been at the other sites and not finding our school let alone Pam, I was pretty confident that this had to be her.
I have to admit, I got ahead of myself at this point and I took it upon myself to do a bit of detective work. Since I now had her last name, I went immediately to the directory for the city she lived in and looked her up. I found her phone number without too much difficulty and phoned her house. A man answered. Ugh, there was that lump again, this time it was more like a watermelon. I managed to eke out the request to have Pam call me at the number I left with him. I hung up and watched the minutes drag by like the days till Christmas drag by for an 8 year old. 4 hours later, my phone rang and on the other end was the voice of an angel. She was as shocked and elated as I was. It was so good to hear her voice. I had missed talking to her, laughing with her, just hanging out with her for so many years and now here she was. I was nervous, as was she. I could hear it in her voice. Then, I blurted out the apology that I just felt I owed her. I didn’t know why we hadn’t talked, but for some reason I felt it was my fault. And at that point, it was then that I realized a true friend never lets you down. She said “Don’t apologize, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Let’s just forget it. We can just start over.”
How right she was. We could start over, but it was as if we never stopped! We picked up right were we left off. I would say one word and she would start laughing and say that she couldn’t believe I remembered that. She would mention something and I would have the exact same reaction. We finished each other’s sentences and stories. Ah, the good ol’ days!
This brings us to this week. It is now 2 weeks later and of course, we can’t wait to see each other since we live in different states now. We have decided to meet halfway this weekend and just hang out for a couple days in a dirthole of a town smack dab in the middle of us. It doesn’t matter that we are in a strange place with absolutely nothing to do. It only matters that we are going to be together again. This time, there won’t be any excuses or miscommunications. This time, will be for the rest of our lives. She once said something that I will never forget and to this day I use it as a valuable piece of advice. She said, “To have a friend you must first be a friend.” Somewhere along the way I lost track of how to be a friend and I nearly lost her as a result. Pam, if you read this I can assure you that will never happen again, never.
I can’t tell you how many times I looked at those ads for www.Classmates.com and would just pass them up thinking how corny they were. I honestly never thought that a website and $39.00 would make such a huge difference in my life. Had I not found Pam, I am sure I wouldn’t have spent the money. Heck, I may have even regretted falling for the promise of being reunited with her. I can say this to those of you that are contemplating finding a lost loved one. If you really, truly want to find them and you see their name on there, by all means, spend the money. Someone wise once said you can’t put a price on friendship, but apparently $39.00 is the going rate at www.Classmates.com and it’s worth every penny.
P.S. I can't believe I forgot to thank Joubert for adding this link when I originally posted it. My apologies Joubert. I appreciate your hard work and perseverance
Recommended:
Yes
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grneyedcwboy
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Member: Teresa Whitaker
Location: LaCygne KS
Reviews written: 107
Trusted by: 101 members
About Me:
I have a tendency to show up here at the strangest times!
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