Confessions of a Prevaricator (the Anti-Moi WO)
Jan 13 '04
The Bottom Line Shouldn't they call it The Top Line?
Everyone is prettier than me. Discuss.
And that's the way I like it, especially the girls. I mean, who wants to chase after homely hens. Not I, White Eyes. As for the Guys, I hold my own. I'm probably in the top 90% in looks but what don't have in looks, I more than make up for in charm and intelligence. Humor? I keep the ladies in stitches but I do wish they'd stop laughing some times, like when I ask, your place or mine.
What is the worst, most unforgivable thing you have done to another human being?
Hey Guys,this question is backwards. It really should say "What is the worst, most unforgivable thing other human beings have done to me". I don't believe in being mean to other people, I live by the Golden Rod. Well yeah, I was mean to my kid sister but that was years and years ago. And yeah, I was in a gang and beat up some guys and put one in a hospital and some of his buddies came after me and it was like Agent Smiths attacking poor Nico, but that was a long time ago. And so what if we crashed up a loader and two water trucks in a compound one night, playing tag, it was just in fun and nobody got hurt and it was ages ago and the 100 cases of beer ........desert.........?
What kind of sexual inadequacies do you suffer? We're all friends here and promise not to tell.
Another wrong question. What inadequacies? You mean proficiencies. I'll tell you my five inch sausage has been around and around...............and around. What do you think of that? I even took a picture of my wife with a Polaroid . Wanna see? Can't, my next wife found it an ripped it up. And time at the party, skinnydipping in the steamy indoor pool with all the other peo..............? And how about the hot number that kissed me after being hypnotized on stage and............? I'd like to keep talking about my sexcapades but I'm running low on ideas, I mean memories.
How were you bullied at school? Why did you deserve it?
You know, I was six foot tall at eleven years. would you try and pick on a kid who was six foot tall? I guess I was fairly lucky only minor mishaps like the big kid hitting me in the head with a baseball bat. I got even though, I got blood all over his clothes. I do remember though, in high school, there was this really scary looking guy, with a perpetual mean skowl. He never really did anything to me though, just others.
Who did you bully at school? If you did not bully anyone was it because you were too much of a wimp yourself?
Hey, hey, Let's not get personal here. I may not have been a Charles Atlas (he was a muscle man in the fifties and sixties) but I was certainly not a wimp. And what's the difference, if I couldn't chin myself or touch my toes, I had speed going for me, flashing fists but only in self disgrace, I mean defense. As for bullying others I would never do that, like I said I follow the Golden Rod
What is your most disgusting bodily feature? Be graphic and as lurid and perverse as you can without being physically ill. Though vomit may be a good sign that you're on the right track.
Ok, My worst feature huh? Well you're not going to like this but I don't really have any bad features, unless you consider excess hair a bad feature. It's not that much, really. A little in my ears, my nose, on my back, my knuckles, my toes, my forehead and my shoulders. Like I said, not that much.
Present three examples where your self esteem has hit an all time rock bottom and the alcoholic beverages you drank to cope.
Now this is a tough one. I got the ole memory banks going now.
Oh yeah. here's one, a true story. A friend of mine got married and afterward the bride made a play for another friend of mine, can you believe that? Just after her wedding, I mean what's wrong with that girl, like, I was the BEST MAN! That was crushing, so I had a Pink Lady.
Oh, this ones even worse. My first wife left me. Can you believe it? Left moi! and it gets worse. Afterward she takes up with a sworn enemy. The best friend of a guy I put in the hospital. That was staggering, so I had a gallon of Spanada. I got even though, both of her best friends sampled my goodies and I fixed her, I pretended it was her the whole time. (maybe that's why I couldn't get it up)
Give an example where your heart was so broken you did nothing but eat icecream, cuddle your old soft toys and watching Jerry Springer crying out at the trailer trash "They may have their problems but AT LEAST THEY'RE LOVED WWWWWAAAAAAAAAA".
Where do they get these Questions? From a soap opera?
As you may have guessed, no one has really broken my heart. I can't help it. I'm the breaker not the breakee. The closest anyone came was, we'll call her Pat. Yes Pat, Patty, Patricia, Trish, Tricia, Pretty Pat, My Pat, My First Love. How could you do that to moi? But I'm tough! I got over you. Yes! And I saw your husband. What a loser!! I'll bet he's fat and bald now. Even more than me!
How many times, on average, since were you born have your parents had wild, animalistic sex involving common kitchen utensils? Bonus Points awarded if you caught them in the act.
Now this is the silliest question on the survey and I really take offense to these insinuations. I know for a fact that my parents NEVER had sex. NEVER, you hear my, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. Do you think they would stoop to my level?
Did your parents have SEX? They did. Tell me about it. Do you have any pictures? And tell me about the kitchen utensils.
How many times have you been caught by a spouse/child/boss looking up internet porn?
I can't answer this because if I do my teenage daughter might read it and realize what I was doing, which I would prefer to keep a secret. Sorry. Fill in the blanks.
Give some examples of random malice you performed, preferably at strangers
What's this obsession with violence and bullying and meanness in general? Are you on Prozac? Work in a Post Office?
Like I said, I believe in the Golden Rube, You know, don't do anything you wouldn't want done by you! Words to live by. But I sometimes have Malicious thoughts about some of the malificent people that have complicated my life but that's another very long story.
This is my entry to Munkus and Kris-Kochanski(don't ask her if she's Polish, she's touchy about it) Fabu write off, Et Tu Brute, no that's not it. Anti-Moi WO. Check it Out: http://www.epinions.com/content_3674448004
Wait, There's no Car Questions. I can't publish without answering a car question, so I'll make one up.
What is your favorite car and what are you driving now?
I figured you might wonder about that, since cars are so personal and reflect the owners taste and personality. As you might have surmised I drive my favorite car. As ones car is a mirror of the individuals essence, I drive a racey sports car, a 1994 Mazda, Third generation RX 7. If you would like to read more about this wonderous car, I have provided a link to my review: http://www.epinions.com/content_104220757636 It is my most viewed review by some two hundred viewings.
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