Counsel's Super Bowl of Guacamole
Jan 07 '05
The Bottom Line A Super Bowl without guac dip? Nah.
Yep, it's that time of year again, and as is my wont I'm renewing this little essay to share my vast storehouse of recipes (one of maybe four, I think) I've set aside for situations just such as this. That, plus it gives me a really heady feeling to use this review title to refer to myself in the third person.
We're rapidly approaching Super Bowl Sunday, and the menu you spread out on the coffee table should reflect the preferences of those for whom this day is designed - that being crass males such as myself, who howl, holler, slap backs and do dog imitations when their team scores. My team would normally be the Texans, so my responses this year will be muted at best.
Anyway.
The prime characteristics of any Super Bowl menu should be that it uses ingredients that promote (1) belching (2) uninhibited shouting and arm-waving and (3) sufficient amounts of cholesterol and fat to ensure clogged arteries.
You know, guy things. I will trust you to provide stuff - such as beer - that encourages (1) and (2); for (3), I modestly propose this guacamole recipe, which I guarantee will accomplish all the artery-clogging a guy could possibly dream of.
I recommend fresh cilantro over dried, vine-ripened Roma tomatoes over regular, and the sharpest version of the recommended flavorings and spices listed. You want a bit of a sting when you chomp into this stuff. This recipe will serve a decent contingent of Super Bowl guests.
1. Ten large Hass avocados, ripened and soft
2. Two fresh Roma tomatoes
3. One medium purple onion
4. One large lemon
5. Two tablespoons chopped cilantro
6. One teaspoon Tobasco® sauce (to begin with)
7. One tablespoon ground horseradish (to begin with)
8. One chili pepper, dried and chopped (O.K., this one's optional, you wusses)
Scoop out avocados into a large bowl. Do not leave the pits in there (that to my Aunt Marie). Dice up the purple onion until you have ¼ to ½ cup (suit to taste) and add to bowl. Grab the lemon and press-roll it on your countertop until the pulp inside is soft. Cut it in half and squeeze the juice into the bowl (pick out the seeds). Chop up cilantro (if fresh) and add it to the bowl. Peel the tomatoes, chop them up and add them to the bowl.
Before adding the spicier ingredients, get a potato masher or a mixer with some good torque and mash and mix the ingredients in the bowl. Once that's done, add the Tobasco®, horseradish and chili pepper to taste.
Guaco doesn't keep well, so you'll need to do this just prior to the game. Use strong chips, or you'll be picking the debris out of your lovely recipe all evening.
When the game starts and you bring that beautiful concoction out to the coffee table . . . ah, those crass guys may never notice, at least at first. That's why I recommend the extra hot stuff.
Enjoy!
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Member: Dwight
Location: Houston
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About Me:
If I smell flowers, I start looking around for a coffin.
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