One Hung Low-Confessions of a bra-burner, Underwear Write off
Written: Nov 28 '01 (Updated Nov 28 '01)
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Pros: Supportive, unobtrusive not grotesquely ugly
Cons: expensive
The Bottom Line: If you want to stop pectoral aftershock or, value the sight of the ground when you're walking, try this bra. It's the best I've found.
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| artbyjude's Full Review: Champion Action Shape Bra |
Where shall I start? **DISCLAIMER Those of you who need to do your duty regarding OFF TOPIC REVIEWS might as well NH this now, and spare yourself the eye-strain.** Only intermittently are you going to hear about the product in this review. Just NH and go on.
That having been said, I feel better. You don't?
Now let me give you some personal history so you can understand why the search for this particular product...a fully confining sports bra, became a passionate obsession for me. I would like to maintain some romantic fantasy of being a great Amazon archer, having lopped off a breast to further hone my skills, but that your be a total lie, or being SO endowed that well, my breasts were a terrible burden. That too is a prevarication. This has to have a LITTLE TRUTH to it.
Here's the truth. When I was but a featherless chick, say about 12 or so, I couldn't WAIT to get into a bra. Why? Because it would be the acknowledgement of the world that I had boobs, you ninny! This was before people started burning bras (and excuse me, I forgot the reason) when Jane Mansfield and Mamie Van Doren went about in tight fitting sweaters, with bozangas that closely resembled the upcoming Rocket Age; or bullets protruding at impossible angles from their otherwise bony frames. At the time, I thought that was the way real women were built. Knowing that I was sadly lacking, I wanted a bra! I wanted to prove that I too could move forward with that part of my anatomy, and if I had a BRA I could find creative ways to make that happen. (Kleenex, water balloons, socks, you name it)
When I finally convinced my mother that "everyone else had them " and I should too, we went shopping for a bra, buying a cup size too big, so I could grow into it. Actually, that was the funniest part of the experience, in retrospect. I don't think I ever needed that extra cup size. It only got me more embarrassed when I failed to expand appropriately.
We didn't have training bras in those days. Why would we? They weren't misbehaving in any way, and pretty much stayed at home. There were no special little breast training camps, or schools. So, what training was really needed?
So, the first time I had my bra on, appropriately enhanced, I looked in the mirror, and YUP, that was more like it! I hopped on my bike to test it on the neighborhood. I thought everyone noticed, and I was sure the "big boys" down the street were particularly enthralled with this overnight proof of my joining the ranks of girls most-likely-to-get- a-smile-or-a-second-look (Isn't that sweet? Such a romantic!). Then I looked down.
They were looking all right. At the stream of toilet paper dislodged by my exertion and flying in the face of the wind. But they weren't impressed in the way I had anticipated. I retired the bra and the stuffing thereof (unless someone noticed I wasn't wearing it), went back to my position at first base, and played baseball for another year or two.
In those days, most girls started at 10 or so wearing a girdle. I never did, much to the embarrassment of my family . Sure I'd put it on. As soon as I was somewhere safe, the offending girdle would spend the rest of the day at the bottom of my purse, and I would do my best not to let my backside jiggle. But that's another seamy little underwear story.
When I could no longer go without a bra without someone catching a slight untoward movement, I put the hateful thing on, just like every one else did. But it wasn't for support. It was just a cover for my nakedness.
Hang with me (oh no, did I say that?) for a couple of minutes, I'm getting to it.
In college for the first time women started burning their bras. Yes it was some sort of feminist statement, but honestly, I never understood how that was really saying anything about Women's rights. I guess it's because we didn't have draft cards to burn. I never burned mine, and I never had to flee to Canada as a conscientious objector. I just never wore one. I donated mine to the bond fire though, saving one back for "Family " Outings...ie, when my bra-less heathenism would be noted with disapprobation. For the most part, though, sweatshirts and loose army shirts obviated the need.
A few years later when I was pregnant, I didn't wear a bra until I was breast feeding, and then only to ward against "leaking" in public. I was warned about the future.
"Someday you'll be sorry."
For the next 10 years of my life, I didn't need one or want one. But I wore one to work. I hated it, because they were uncomfortable and I always seemed to be pulling up some slipping bra strap! ARGHHHH! I hate that!
FACTS
Now whether you know it or not, or admit it, most people are asymmetrical. I first noticed this phenomenon when I was pregnant. One boob was definitely a little bigger than the other. You may have noticed yourself that a ring that fits on your right hand, will be too big on your left hand. The mirror convinced me that I was deformed. Indeed, ONE HUNG LOW!
I toyed with doing exercises, but gave that up as a bad job. I liked exercising, but it never seemed to affect my breast size, or bring them into a pleasing symmetrical alliance. Before Sports bras, wearing a bra was a constant struggle to adjust straps so you could at least keep them level. So there I was, always pulling on my bra straps, adjusting them. It seemed for some reason they would just get higher and higher in the placement on my body, to the point that one day, when the strap broke, the ONE HUNG LOW phenomenon had indeed taken a comical turn. I had one breast at the level of my armpit, the other about where it should be. I continued to shed this torture whenever possible.
The best way to combat the ONE HUNG LOW phenomenon was just to avoid gaining weight. Any weight loss I have ever experienced in my life has appeared first in the pectoral region, second in my face, and only when starvation seemed imminent, in my thighs and hips.
When I gained weight after my fourth back surgery, I had another startling revelation. I now had BOOBS! And, what's more, they both hung low, introducing for the first time the TWO HUNG LOW PHENOMENON.
Before sports bras were invented, a tight t-shirt had much the same effect, (and Champion sells one) but with my new shape, I didn't look too cool. The "leisure bras" whose only redeeming feature is a convenient front snap, never really helped. I was absolutely thrilled when the spandex sports bras came on the scene, and have found that it is the best solution to the problem after all!
Now we come to the REAL PART of this review. Ready sports fans?
After a lot of experimenting, I found that there are more than one kind of sports bra. Cross Your Heart makes a few that don't have underwires, are relatively comfortable, but still require snapping in back. Other cheaper versions of Sports bras are double layered, come in lots of colors to match your "outfits" but don't offer much support (Cherokee and other Wall Mart Brands). Some of the early Danskin models afforded the CRUSHED AGAINST THE CHEST PHENOMENON but created sweat circles by fabric that had that polyester occlusive, stifling, sweat- producing quality to it. In the end, you get what you pay for.
Needs FOR Going out in public
1. A bra that would minimize the asymmetry
2. NO UNDERWIRES. While I might wear one to a dress up event (and even that is doubtful) I would never choose one for every day
3. One with non slip straps
4. One with covered snaps..except for the one piece smash models, it is almost impossible to find one that doesn't have hooks and eyes
5. A bra with some shaping
6. One that includes some consideration of the sweat factor
7. One that you can wear with clothes other than exercise attire
For everyday, hack around the house wear, I can get by with the over the head multi-layered and cheaper (and more colorful) sports bras I can buy at Wall Mart.
What this Action Shape Bra offers is the following:
1. A lower back. This means you can wear it with just about anything. It doesn't often show ABOVE my clothes as some of the other sports bras do.
2. LARGER SIZES. Alas, ladies, if you start with a size 40 or more, most of the stylish models don't come in your size. This one does!
3. Less Bounce to the ounce. (explanation needed?)
4. Coolmax band, which absorbs moisture, and prevents chafing
5. Velcro non slip straps (my favorite feature for when I have to be among the living...er I mean, other people)
6. Shaping. A full molded inner bra does give you some semblance of the right shape. Sometimes you need to load carefully.
7. Three color choices, Black, White and Birch, which actually looks like a pale gray.
In point of fact, they are very durable, and you will most likely get tired of them long before they wear out.
About the Bra burning
The size 34 AA bras that I donated to the bra-fire have not fit for many years. Do I think that my bra-less activities contributed to my present problems? No. However, my weight and occasional couch potato activities certainly don't help.
For many years maintaining my weight was not a major problem. Since my extremely active life style became hampered by back surgery, it has been a bigger problem. Part of me, though, wants to keep the extra pounds because for the first time, I actually HAVE something that requires confining by conventional means. Unfortunately that gift comes with hips thighs and waistline.
I still go bra-less when I can get away with it. You can't see me here, right? Good thing. Just remember that freedom has a price.
There are several on-line stores to check for this product. Womens Sports Specialties, 1-888-977-2255, accessed through Yahoo, had the best deal when I bought two of them, but a little surfing will turn up many places.
This is a write -off submission for the UNDERWEAR WRITE OFF sponsored by member Arielssong . Please go to her profile page for details and other participants .
Thanks for letting me babble on. Rate me as you see fit. My shoulders, as well as my hips, thighs and boobs, are broad enough to take it. I am searching for that inner beauty. Grin. Jude
Recommended:
Yes
Amount Paid (US$): 30.99
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Epinions.com ID:
artbyjude
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Member: jude paxton
Location: In a state of confusion
Reviews written: 699
Trusted by: 459 members
About Me:
If I'd known TODAY was to be my TOMORROW I woulda done better YESTERDAY.
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