On Being a SAHM: My One True Thing
Oct 16 '00 (Updated Oct 25 '00)
There are a lot of people that do not respect the job I have. Yes, it is a job! Actually it’s more than a job. Honestly, who do you know that has an occupation that is around the clock, 24/7/12, always on call, no holidays, no sick days (don’t I wish!), and no paid overtime? Granted, I do not work “outside the home”, but that does not mean that I do not work. But, these non-believers say, you have the option to just sit and watch tv and eat “bon bons”. Sure, I respond, and when the baby falls and bonks her head I’ll just tell her to be quiet while I’m watching my “soap”. Or when my daughter comes in requiring yet another bandage to add to her already amazing collection, I’ll just tell her to stop bleeding on the carpet until I’m done my chapter. That’ll work. Yep, and when the authorities come to take the kids away, well, that will just give me more time for tv watching and bon bon eating, won’t it?
I take my job very, very seriously. I chose to be a stay at home mother for a variety of reasons. The most important reason was that I felt my children (now aged 9, 5, and 1) really needed me at home for them. They needed someone there who loved them more than anyone. Someone who was going to bandage the owies, and make them chicken soup when they didn’t feel well. Someone who will be there for their Christmas Concerts and Meet the Teacher nights. Someone who will be there no matter what. Someone they could count on, always. They needed a mom. And I was more than happy to be here for them.
Another important reason was that my husband and I both felt that they needed the stability of at least one parent there for them. My husband is a long distance truck driver, which means that he is away from home a great deal of the time. This weekend was an exception, with him being home from Thursday night until Sunday evening. The most he is usually at home is one day, every 9 days. Because he is home so infrequently, and because he never knows which days he will be home, we agreed that someone should be here to give them the stability that would have been lacking if I had remained in the job I had. (I was in the banking industry, and let me tell you, never did I ever work “bankers hours”!)
Fortunately my husband’s income is high enough that he can support us without my having to work outside the home for an additional salary, unfortunately it’s not high enough that we have the extras that we would like. But we make do, and we are happy with life as we have it now. Obviously some families have to have two incomes to make ends meet. We are very lucky that that is not the case in our situation, given the fact that we wouldn’t be as happy if I worked outside the home. And to be honest, when I worked outside the home I was miserable! I was tired, overworked, underpaid, and just plain frustrated with the politics. It doesn’t make for a happy homecoming when all you want to do is soak in the tub and go to bed when you get home, and the baby needs you, and dinner needs to be made, and the homework has to be done, and so on, and so on.
I feel blessed by being able to make this decision, and in living the life I do. I feel as if God smiled down on me and said “Here you go, this is what you need, this is what you want, this is what will make you happy. Go forth and be mommy.” For 35 years I searched for the one true thing that would make me happy, the one thing that would feed my soul, and make my life complete. And then my husband said “Why don’t you stay home with the kids?” and I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. It was a complete filling of my heart, and my soul. It was then that I found my calling. While some other women strive to be CEO’s or successful entrepreneurs, I strive to be the best stay at home mother I can possibly be.
Please do not misunderstand me! Being a sahm is NOT for everyone! If a woman is unhappy because she is not fulfilling her career goals, whatever they may be, she can’t give 100% to her children. If a woman is happy in the career she has chosen, she will be better able to care for the children she has at home. To be a good mother, a woman must first be a good person, and you cannot be that good person if you have not, or are not attempting to, achieve your dreams and goals. That is the beauty of being able to choose. I used to be at odds with my “feminist” side, until I finally came to the realization that what feminism means to me is giving women the right to CHOOSE the life they wanted to live. And if that meant working outside the home, that’s great! And if it meant staying home with the children, that was great too!
My dreams and goals just happen to be staying at home to be with my children. Sure I’m not finding the cure for cancer, or working for a Fortune 500 company, but I am fulfilling my dreams. I am molding my children into the kind of people you really do want to inherit the earth after we’re gone. I am making a contribution, and it feels wonderful! I have found my one true thing.
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Member: Beverley
Location: Canada
Reviews written: 290
Trusted by: 419 members
About Me:
So good to be home, but so very tired!
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