The mother you don't think about
Nov 16 '00 (Updated Nov 17 '00)
I have read several editorials in this category, and I have to agree about mothers. They are wonderful people. I believe I am a good mother because I came from a good mother. I always put my children first, and my love for them is not able to be described in human terms. However, there is another "type" of mother I would like to tell people about.
As many of you know, my daughter died shortly before her first birthday. Through my times and trials and episodes of self pity, I have become involved with several different support groups. This is where I learned how lucky I was, for I had 10 1/2 months with my daughter.
This "other type" of mother is the mother who never sees her child's face. The mother whose only picture consists of an ultrasound picture. The mother who eagerly goes to her prenatal checkup to hear the heartbeat of her unborn child but is told there isn't one. The mother who hears during labor that the child they were expecting to meet that day has died. A lot of times these mothers don't have surviving children.
There are other mothers too - mothers who have lost all of their children in a house fire. Mothers whose husband and children were killed in car accidents. Mothers who have struggled to adopt a baby whose adopted child was killed in an act of violence at the age of 19. Some have lost their children because of drugs, some due to suicide.
But yet, all of these women are still mothers. Perhaps they are stronger mothers than I. Sure, they can't make the meals or clean the rooms or fix the boo-boos, but many of them will visit a gravesite as often as possible and leave gifts for their child(ren). Maybe they don't have a gravesite to visit - but no holiday, birthday, or day of special memory is ever forgotten. These mothers do so much - they spend a lot of their lives questioning every action they ever made. Why did I drink coffee while I was pregnant? Was that the cause of my child's death? Why didn't I pay more attention to the signs? Why did I leave him in "so-and-so's" care? If I only had, if I only hadn't. These are the lives of these mothers.
The reason I am writing this is because many of you will know these people. A friend who had a miscarriage perhaps? One of the hardest things for mothers who have no living children is that they are often forgotten on Mothers Day. People tend to forget that they have earned the motherhood status as much, if not more so, than any of us have. So please, please, remember these people. Take the time out of your day to call and see how she is doing. As holidays approach, remember that there is a part of her family that is missing and so many holidays are geared towards kids. Can you imagine how Christmas must feel to these moms? I know when I see little girl toys, all I can think is "I should be buying these, but I have no little girl to buy for." Send them a card, say their child's name, remind these special women that you know they are mothers and their child(ren) will never be forgotten.
BTW - this goes for fathers too, but that is an epinion I'd like to see from the dad's perspective
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Epinions.com ID:
hhassell99
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Member: Heather Sawyer
Location: Lakewood, CO
Reviews written: 56
Trusted by: 45 members
About Me:
Home Schooling, Breastfeeding, SAHM and a whole list of other qualities that annoy people.
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