"Not in front of my friend, ma!"
May 26 '00
When you are the oldest or only child, the apron strings come two ways. They are either easily broken by a parent who cares not for the child (which is a rarity, as far as I am concerned), or they remain strong well into the child's mid-life crisis. I understand that parents need to make it aware to their children that they do indeed love and care about them. But there are alternate ways than hugging and kissing, especially in front of friends.
Remember "Home Improvement"? That show certainly got worse by the time it was in its fifteenth or so season, but in one episode, Tim Allen tells his oldest son that instead of telling him he loves him or hugging him when he drops the child off for school, he'll just say it in code. I believe he says to his son "How about them Lions?" Of course, in testing it, the son shows his love (and stupidity as a character, but that would be another epinion now, wouldn't it?) by saying "Oh, I love you too."
Another thing that makes it harder is that boys and girls are different. I wouldn't mind going to a movie with my mother while in grade school. Come high school, I went once and saw about ten people who went to my high school. That stigma of being seen with a parent when you are a young male trying to establish yourself is harsh because guys are especially dumb with one another. "Oh, you're with your mommy, you must be, um, gay or something." (That would be one of the most popular insults to young men identifying themselves: calling them gay as if gayness was a disease or something.)
Some guys are at terms with themselves by the time they are fourteen. Some take more time. It took me till I was a senior in high school to realize that going out with my mother wasn't a crime. Maybe it was the certainty of myself I recognized when I was an upper-classmen that made me see this.
I think what I am trying to say is that parents need to realize that their children need to recognize who they are. Constantly being held in a demonic embrace makes a child think he or she is not getting the chance to identify themselves. Most of the problems of the teenage years are based on identification. It wasn't until I identified myself that I saw that I can show affection to my mom (and she to me) without me feeling weird.
What a difference a high school education can make. You learn more than algebra and world history. You learn to accept things and people as they are. Parents have little say in this matter of showing affection. If they do too little, a child feels ignored. Too much, a child feels claustrophobic. Just right? Is there such a thing? Probably not for most children, as teenagers are with people in the midst of mid-life crises as being the most problematic life forms on earth.
Okay, to recap: parents may show affection, but only at their own risk. Highly volatile and emotionally charged children will very easily go into combat with their parents if they become too emotional. And as I stated, the 'just right' amount of affection is such a variable that it becomes chaotic to figure out.
Show affection at your own risk. . .
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fixxxerny
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Member: Nick
Location: Brooklyn, NY
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college graduate/all-around know-it-all :)
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