The waiting game, and how I've grown
Jan 08 '01
How could I mention "how I've grown" in the title? I meant no pun, but as I search for the feet I haven't seen in 2 months I realize I made one unintentionally.
Perhaps you have read about my failed at-home induction attempts - I have spent the two weeks dwelling on the fact that this child is not here yet and focusing on ways to get him out. I finally went back to the doctor today and I have an official date. Drum roll please - January 16th I will be induced (providing this little baby does not come out sooner.)
I was so relieved at hearing this news - an end is in site! I will be delivering a baby! I am not going to be pregnant forever! I may once again sit comfortably!
It was three hours ago that I received this news - and in the past 15 minutes I have come to a realization. I have been so caught up in getting the baby out that I have not been enjoying the fact that I am pregnant. I don't know why this hit me - is it the dozens of women I talk to each day who are experiencing infertility? Perhaps it is the stories of loss engrained in my mind. There are people out there who never go to know their child outside the womb. Pregnancy is the only memory they have.
Pregnancy is such a magical time. During the pregnancy women may deal with a variety of issues from annoyances like morning sickness to bedrest in order to save the baby. I have gone through many joys, starting with the positive on the home pregnancy kit, the first time I heard the babies heartbeat (which made me cry), the first kicks, the first ultrasounds, and the first time my husband placed his hand on my swelled belly to feel the flutters of his child.
First time mother's, listen up. What I am about to tell you is the truth, although I didn't believe it when I was pregnant the first time either.
Shortly, it will all be over. I will be holding my son in my arms, and my womb will be empty. I try to reflect upon the births of my other children, and I realize that every time I had the same reaction. My pregnancy was so short! My first born child was 17 days late, and even that pregnancy seems like it lasted about a week. I remember the first nights after delivery, reaching down to rub my stomach and realizing I am no longer pregnant. *sigh* There is no video tape that can catch the special emotions that flow through a woman's soul when she is pregnant, only distant memories remain after birth. The details of the labor will be more vivid then the entire pregnancy, and most women I know feel a sort of "loss" after the baby is actually born. It is all coming back to me now...
So aside from growing physically, I have grown emotionally. For the first time tonight I am going to put down the herbs, forgo the awkward attempts at intimacy, and relax and enjoy the life growing inside of me. I will not worry about the contractions, I will not be waiting for my water to break. After all, I only have a week left, and I want to absorb every moment of this. I will bond with my baby, my son, and my husband - our lives are about to change forever. And there are just some things that can only be preserved in our mind's eye.
~Heather
This is dedicated to the memory of my daughter, Gabriella, who taught me that life is way to precious to sweat the small stuff. I love you, sweetheart, and can't wait to meet your new brother
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Epinions.com ID:
hhassell99
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Member: Heather Sawyer
Location: Lakewood, CO
Reviews written: 56
Trusted by: 45 members
About Me:
Home Schooling, Breastfeeding, SAHM and a whole list of other qualities that annoy people.
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