Yes, you can do it!
Aug 27 '00 (Updated Sep 13 '00)
When a relationship is not salvageable, there is no point to hang on to it for the sake of staying married. Married with kids could not a little more difficult, a lot of parents may think that a broken family is not good for kids. I agree, but I also agree that an unhappy family is not good for kids either.
DO BETTER
If you feel that you are the victim of a relationship, the best revenge is to do good, do better than when you were married. If you do not have a job, find one. Dedicate yourself to it and make it fulfilling. You do not need to find a high-paying job, but make sure that it gives you satisfaction, make sure that you are appreciated at work.
BE CAREFUL
Do NOT jump into another relationship on a rebound, because this could make you more miserable. Believe it or not, no relationship is better than a bad relationship.
REVISIT THE RELATIONSHIP
After having rebuilt your confidence, revisit the past relationship. I said revisit, I didn't say to live in the past. In most cases, when a relationship turns sour, both parties could have contributed to a divorce. Perhaps it is too late to salvage the relationship, but knowing why it happened is better than repeating the mistakes, and you may be surprised to learn that both you and your ex-spouse are victims.
WHAT THE KIDS NEED THE MOST
Do not put the kids in the middle, your divorce is not their fault. However, the kids need to know that Mom and Dad still love them even though Mom and Dad are not living together. But please, do not just say it, do it as well. Do your utmost to make your kids feel secure.
DO NOT STOP THE COMMUNICATIONS
Under normal circumstances, ex-spouses should not be enemies. Try not to go extreme -- if I can't love you, I must hate you -- this is not at all healthy, besides, it doesn't do anybody any good. Communicating with your ex-spouse is good even if you do not have any kids. As time goes by, as both get more mature, your opinions may change. What seemed to be a big deal before may not be anymore.
BE FORGIVING
Forgive yourself and forgive the other party. If you do not get rid of the baggage, you'll never be happy again.
THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT
Your future will be bright if you choose to. In some cases, divorce will make a person open his/her eyes. Learn from the past, do better in the future. If you and your ex-spouse can still be friends, I would say CONGRATULATIONS! Afterall, having one more friend is better than having one more enemy (this does not apply to any of you who has an abusive partner, or any as such). If you enter a new relationship, treasure what you have, and use your judgment to decide if s/he is the right person. If you do not have a new relationship, be proud of yourself being able to stand up on your own two feet.
BE WISE
Cut loose what is not right, nourish what is. Get rid of the baggage, tomorrow will be a better day.
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Epinions.com ID:
atsang
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Location: Northern California
Reviews written: 19
Trusted by: 9 members
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