The Way Things Were
Apr 09 '00
My parents finally divorced after being married almost twenty years, and, I don't feel sad or dwell on the way things were.
Do I wish they'd have stayed together? Sure, they're both really great people, although a bit stubborn, and they make a pretty great couple(when they get along), I think they could have worked things out.
But I'm sure there are things about their relationship that my younger brother and I didn't see, and I know the flaws that we did see, were major contributing factors to their divorce.
Am I angry about their divorce? No, I have no reason to be. They got angry enough at each other over the years, I don't need to be angry for, or at, either of them.
Is it hard with both of them living in separate houses and fighting occasionally? Yes, but I personally feel I'd much rather have them living in separate houses and not fighting very often at all, than living together and fighting constantly.
Whenever my parents first told my brother and I that they were getting a divorce, I'd already moved out, and didn't really think I'd have an opinion one way or the other about it; I figured it wouldn't affect me all that much. I was wrong.
Although it didn't hit me until the divorce went through last month, I actually began feeling insecure and even afraid, whenever I realized that Mom and Dad weren't going to get back together. That feeling increased whenever my Dad announced his engagement to my husband and I a few weeks ago too.
Over the past few weeks, I feel I've come to a better acceptance of things. I may not like it, and I may not agree with their reasons for their decision, but, it is THEIR decision, and as their child, I have to accept that they know best for themselves. I am very thankful that as I was growing up, they provided me with a home full of love and support. I always knew, even when they fought with each other sometimes, that they loved me and would take care of me no matter what.
I continue my relationship with both of them just the same as always, and I've tried to make myself more available to my brother, because he, being 13, is still unable to get out of "the middle" whenever they have a disagreement about something. I worry sometimes about; "Who's going to take care of my Mom?" "Is Dad going to be all right?" "What about Matthew?" My main concerns right now for my family, are; How my brother will deal with things, what's going to happen with my Dad and his soon to be wife, and how will things end up for my Mom. I don't give it much thought for myself, except I wonder about, how will my husband and I deal with holidays with Mom and Dad? What about family gatherings?
Dealing with a divorce is not easy for any child, especially ones still living at home. Dealing with a divorce can be easier on everyone if the lines of communication are kept open, and everyone is consistent in their behavior.
The best thing parents can do for their children in the midst of a divorce are:
Be there if the kids want to talk.
Answer their questions as honestly as possible.
Let the kids know it's not their fault and that you'll still be there the same as always, this has really helped my brother and I in dealing with our parents' divorce.
Don't bash the other parent in front of the kids, it can either make the kids feel like they have to choose sides, or it can cause them to feel uncomfortable around the both of you.
The best thing kids can do to help themselves deal with a divorce are:
Stay out of the middle, if Mom or Dad try to get you into it, try to tune them out, or respectfully tell them "I don't want to be involved in this."
Try to understand and believe that it isn't your fault, because it's not, sometimes things just happen, even if it seems for no reason.
Talk to your parents and tell them how you feel, let them understand if you're uncertain or afraid in the new situation.
I think now though, that though it could have been prevented, the best thing for my parents was a divorce. And as long as they're happy and dealing with it, then I'm happy too. :)
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Epinions.com ID:
Emaleth982
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Member: Samantha Van Sciver
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Reviews written: 56
Trusted by: 20 members
About Me:
Samantha is a proud Army wife and Mommy to 6 children.
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