Da Hip-Hop write off - 25 (OBO) best Hip Hop Songs of All Time
Sep 02 '00
Hip? Hip Hop? Hip-hop-anonymous? That echoes my sentiments towards the entire hip-hop world. I am completely in bewilderment as to why Mr Brussel invited me to be a part of this write off. I mean, if knowing nothing about rap, past or present, is what is required, then I am overqualified. But, my talent to speak from my rectum when unable to produce thoughts from my brain has tricked all of you thus far, so I will try again.
I wasn’t even exposed to any rap until I first came to the USA (late ’94), so my mix doesn’t necessarily span the full length of the hip-hop era. Plus, this is MY list of the top 25 songs, so I have creative freedom to add the song for whatever reasons I feel are qualifying. My reasons include tight flows, good beats, strong personal memories attached to the tune, or general significance to the hip-hop world.
In an attempt to be down with OPP and all that crud, I have adopted a rap pseudonym. Following the example set by the world’s most pathetic rapper, Eminem, I have adopted the name Esinem, for a few good reasons.. 1) I am the whitest of the white and know nothing about rap whatsoever, 2) people will confuse me with Eminem and buy anything I choose to put out on the market and 3) When I used my initials S&M, I kept on getting obscure phone calls at 1am from people asking me to come over to their house, tie them up and then beat them liberally with spatulas. So you see where I am coming from.. but on with the list already..
1.Sugarhill Gang – Rappers Delight
Before you try to ream me and accuse me of misnoming the writers of this song, let it be known that Eric Sermon and Redman DID NOT WRITE this song. The sugarhill gang busted out some supa-tight rhymes two decades before those two monkeys even thought about covering this song. It seems only fitting to start this list with some of the purest hip hop ever to grace our aural orifices.
2. Anthrax/Public Enemy – bring the Noise
A tumultous moment in the history of music when rap and metal fused together for probably the first time. If these guys could have possibly realized what this collaboration caused a decade down the road, do you think they still would have done it? If it meant ridding the world of Kid Rock, the answer is a resounding yes.
3. Run DMC/Aerosmith – Walk this Way
Again, another fusion of genres, but this time not as significant. Both bands had success with this song, and each version has flair that keeps the crowd jumping no matter where you play it. I wonder if the two had contests to see who could stick the most narcotic substances up their nose in the shortest time?
4. Busta Rhymes – Woo Ha! (got you all in check)
All people who thought “What the f…” when they first heard Busta Rhymes, please raise your hand. His penchance to dress like a medieval pimp and the videos that make absolutely no sense scared me and now out of morbid curiosity I follow his music. Hip Hop needs characters, and Busta Rhymes is their Daffy Duck.
5. Bone Thugs n Harmony – Look into my Eyes
Hip Hop with true melodic vocals. BTH proved to the world that having a strong singing voice should not have to be sacrificed if you want to write a song with kickin beats. To this day, Bone are my favorite Hip Hop band. Long live the melody.
6. NWA – F**k the Police
The song that started an era. About ten years ago, a few P.O’ed mofos decided that they didn’t feel the love for the police department. So they wrote a ballad stating their distaste. Yeah right. NWA began the gangsta rap era and one of the founders of NWA, Dr Dre, still has a legacy that continues to this day.
7. Dre Feat. Snoop Dogg – Nuttin but a G Thang
Speaking of legacies, Dre revealed his protégé to the world in the form of Snoop Doggy Dogg. His laid back style (not uncommonly mistaken for being stoned 24/7) and tight rhymes are unmistakable in the rap world. And you gotta respect a rapper who doesn’t mind putting his hair into pigtails.
8. Snoop Dogg – Gin and Juice
You guessed it, Snoop tries his hand at a solo work. Nothing quite descrives the thrill of the party as much as this song. Drugs, Booze and lots of Nekkidity make the party. Ahh.. Such fond memories.
9. Dre feat. Tupac – California Love
Further down the NWA evolutionary line, we find Tupac’s incredibly catchy duet-of-sorts with the founder of the gangsta rap movement. Dre created it, Snoop expanded it and Tupac perfected it. The only regrets I have about this man is that he lacks the dignity to die already. Has anyone else noticed that he has put out 4 postmortem albums? He’s no Frank Zappa, so he should let go already.
10. Skee Lo – I wish (I was a little bit taller)
To all the little people of the world, Skee Lo feels your pain. The song is a stupid idea… but it has a catchy hook and Skee looks like a complete moron.. awww.. Ain’t they cute at that age? Skee gets my vote on his comic ability alone. It must suck to be short. I wouldn’t know.
11. Sir Mix-a-Lot – Baby Got Back
Who says rappers don’t have something important to say? Big butts are definitely a current event and a crisis on an international level. So lets dedicate this song to all those people carrying around a few extra pounds on their lower half.
12. LL Cool J – Mama said knock you out
LL, I don’t know what we are going to do with you. If it wasn’t for you, we would be lacking some of the smoothest rap tunes out there. But on the flipside, we would also be without the million and a half football players who think they can rap too. Tough choice.
13. Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice baby
Oh Shut Up! I don’t want to hear your abusive comments as to why this appears here. He gets my vote simply because he had the balls to try and see how cool white boys could be in the rap scene… well, at least he tried.
14. House of Pain – Jump Around
A little corporate maybe, but no party is complete with a little H.O.P. If for nothing else, it should be noted that the group itself has opened gates for both DJ Lethal (of Limp Bizkit fame) and Everlast. So go respect your roots, fool.
15. Cypress Hill – Insane in the Membrane
If you are going to be hardcore, you better be ready to back up your words with actions. The rap sheets of the members of Cypress Hill are longer than the Starr report, and these boys have no inhibitions towards anything at all. Add to that mix a repertoire of creative beats and mixes that will make you think you are already trippin, and we have some of most raw hip-hop talent to grace us in years.
16. Sporty Thievz – No Pigeons
I rue the day when a member of the opposite sex referred to me as a scrub. I wouldn’t have cared if it was justified, but it was simply because I was the object of pent up aggressive emotions. Thank god for the Sporty Thievz to give us accused-scrubs a retort and a way of dealing with the trauma. So take that, you weave-wearing, shoe-borrowing, skid-marked-underwear-wearing pains in my behind! And can I have your number?
17. ICP – Slim Anus
In my opinion (or epinion), this is the greatest tribute song ever written. Eminem’s invincible attitude was apparently not felt by all, especially ICP. So being the mature, intelligent role models that they are, they wrote a song parodying Slim Shady, aptly titled Slim Anus. As of now, it is still unreleased and has been bootlegged across the world. A perfect description of the ‘honest’ ways that a rap star can make himself big in the corporate world. No, that’s not a milk moustache..
18. King Missile – Detachable Penis
And how would YOU define Hip Hop? I think this song belongs here. It’s about getting drunk and losing something. Most Hip-Hop songs talk about getting drunk. I dare Eminem to write a song about trying to find HIS penis.. but that’s just a lost cause. Actually I don’t think this song belongs here. I’ve just been yearning to use the words ‘detachable penis’ in the same sentence since I’ve joined epinions. Sue me, I’m a guy.
Please Note: I resisted the urge to add a lot of rap-core bands to my list. While I feel that rap-core has contributed more than people will ever give them credit for, this is supposed to be a pure hip-hop list. This will be the reason why this list will seem generic to most. Notice I have compromised. This is the last time I will ever do it, so remember where you were when it happened. Probably sitting at your computer.. boy is THAT pathetic.. but I digress..
Sorry to everyone who was expecting a full 25, but I feel that sort of responsibility should be left to those who know how. I would like to end this by thanking Donlee Brussel, sexy man extraordinaire, for inviting me to take part in this. I don’t know what he was thinking, and I probably don’t want to. Now go home, its past your bedtime.
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SpookyMonkey
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