Practical, Ambitious Advice From A Female Lawyer
Written: Nov 17 '01 (Updated Nov 17 '01)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: sometimes amusing, but generally excellent advice for single women
Cons: some men may find it insulting
The Bottom Line: Anyone with an interest in men will get some value out of it...if they want to.
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| jankp's Full Review: How to Marry the Man of Your Choice Books |
This book from 1984, probably the first of its kind, was discovered out on my apartment building’s lobby where magazines and books are exchanged and I simply have to share it with you. What fun! It’s 188 pages by a Cuban-born, female attorney named Margaret Kent, who deals with marital issues frequently and wants to help clueless, unattached women to land the man they love. She advocates some manipulation in the sense that women encourage men to talk a lot about their past and future goals in order to become their confidante and to understand them better, but she strongly recommends that we do not ever use sex as a weapon or a reward, either.
As a single woman, How To Marry The Man Of Your Choice was terribly amusing for me to read and discuss with both sexes. It really covers everything a woman in search of her mate would need to know, I think, even reminding us in 1984 that AIDS is becoming a concern and to use protection. No sex manual, but interesting advice, anyway.
CONTENT
CHAPTER ONE: Learning About Men
After the preface, which explains that manipulation and being judged are done by everyone, including men, everyday, the first chapter is a real hoot. We start out with the three keys to male behavior, why they act as they do and twenty general characteristics of most men. Number one on the list is that they believe they are special or unique and number two is that they’ll only marry women who buy into that theory, too.
CHAPTER TWO: Dressing For Sexess
Looking attractive for him is a form of manipulation. He especially likes solid, primary colors on your T-shirts or button-up shirts; skirts, jeans, shorts that conform to your figure; soft, clean hair to touch or mess up; not much make-up, jewelry, long nails or perfume.
CHAPTER THREE: Meeting Men
Where to go to find eligible men to marry is not a pool hall or biker bar. What to say after hello is not yes/no questions, but those that require explanation. Twenty suggestions of where to go, such as bookstores, supermarkets, laundromats, bowling alleys, etc.
CHAPTER FOUR: Dating
She advises that women don’t date to be entertained, but to evaluate the men. Go to lunch or dinner with him so you can talk. Plan things to do that interest you both. I question her advice that you let him raid your refrigerator, though, especially if he eats as much as my biker/athlete does! Just kiddin’, Tim.
CHAPTER FIVE: Selecting The Right Man
How to interview him. This should help you to decide whether his personality is similar to yours, if he’s interesting, whether his future could include you or if you would want to be included. Let him do the talking. No criticism.
CHAPTER SIX: Helping Him Fall In Love With You
Basically it’s by listening to him with interest that he’ll feel special and accepted by you, talking himself into falling in love with you. The Transference Technique is important.
CHAPTER SEVEN: Enhancing Your Relationship
Become knowledgeable about his work and favorite hobbies. He’ll be impressed and enjoy talking with you more. Emphasize your positive qualities vocally, which is bragging and very questionable. I just let him read what I write.
CHAPTER EIGHT: Praising And Criticizing The One You Love
Very important that you praise his efforts three times as much as you criticize, but he expects that little criticism to know that you care, have a sense of self-worth and to know how he appears to others. Do not insult. Be a b!tch rather than a nag. Five ways he feels inferior that you should take into account.
CHAPTER NINE: Developing Your Sexual Strategy
Kent recommends a dozen dates before initiating sex. This was 1984, after all. She discusses following his moral code, indicating how desirable he is, learning when you are both ready, how to make it more enjoyable (generally) and how to find out his level of sexual need. Sex is not to be used as manipulation ever. Living together no longer than a year. Pre-marital contracts.
CHAPTER TEN: Tying The Knot
Start acting like a wife. Become indispensable to him by being there for him to do little or big things. He needs to be needed. Let him help you, too, so he won’t fear rejection from you.
FINAL COMMENTARY
Overall this was a wonderful, easy read for unmarried or married women, even gays, who have some trouble understanding or relating to men. The writing is clear, organized, on target with much of the advice or information and a blast to read. I would love to know who from my apartment building got rid of it and if it helped them as much as the underlined or starred content would indicate.
Sometimes I did think Kent went overboard in her advice, like visiting a cemetary with him, but on something else, maybe I’m just more prudish than most women. She suggested that we become such confidantes of men we’re dating that we encourage them to relay private information about their past and current sexual experiences. This does not appeal at all to me. I guess I wouldn’t mind it if he briefly criticized women he dumped or even told me he was well rid of a recent teeny-bopper, though I already suspect it, but forget the graphic stuff, please, no matter how well it helps me to know him!
A lot of this information was common sense to me, but I’m a pretty down-to-earth kind of person, anyway, who knows how to praise or criticize men and, I think, be interesting to them. When I told Tim the twenty general characteristics of men, he was amused by some of them, but had no comment. I hope he didn’t feel attacked! I don’t think that was Kent’s purpose and that most men should only appreciate her straight-forward advice, although some who hate marriage and/or intelligent women will not.
Perhaps this will only amuse you and your mate or friends, such as a bizarre reference to being a “Funster” and just exactly what is a zenith? But it may also remind you of some very important details in dealing with the “eggshell-fragile egos” of men. Here’s a couple of questions Kent suggests using to understand men:
When did you first realize that you were unique?
How would you complete the sentence “Man is___”?
Why did you get into playing soccer?
If you were to cast yourself in a movie, what role would you play?
Do you believe in an afterlife?
Thanks for reading! Amazon can ship this gem to you for about five dollars within a couple of weeks. I’ll be keeping it handy for a while for a conversation piece and I daresay you will, too. Comments are most welcome.
Recommended:
Yes
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Member: Jan Peregrine
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