Don't let the title dissuade you
Written: Sep 20 '02
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Product Rating:
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Pros: An excellent primer for life
Cons: Terrible title
The Bottom Line: This may prove to be one of the most important things you ever read.
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| aashtech's Full Review: Dale Carnegie, Dorothy Carnegie, Arthur R. Pell - ... |
Dale Carnegie has assembled the single best explanation of how to deal with fellow human beings. This timeless classic was written in the 1930s, revised in 1981, and is still as relevant as ever.
Many of us see the title and subconsciously change the word "influence" to "manipulate." There are far too many professional manipulators in our daily lives—in politics, in advertising, in the media—so we instinctively push back. Reading this book, however, opens us up to the inner workings of others, and ourselves so that we can appreciate fellow human beings and both live and work better with them.
Mr. Carnegie has boiled down his lessons into clearly defined sections, so that this can serve as a reference when we face a particular situation that is a little daunting. He illustrates each section with sound practical advice as well as wonderfully memorable stories of how these skills can apply in daily life.
All of the information here is time proven common sense. However, as much as we may instinctively see the value, very few of us practice any of it. This is a book that can be read and reread over the years and each time the information changes and gets more complete.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive
While the title displays simple common sense, it is not a commonly practiced skill. Our natural inclination is to find fault and criticize. The other fellow never believes they are wrong. In fact, people use a variety of ways to justify their behavior. Ask any person behind bars and they will tell you how misunderstood they are. Three historical statesmen that understood this section fully include Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, and Benjamin Franklin. Mr. Carnegie studied President Lincoln's life extensively and wrote a thorough biography. All three of these leaders learned the lesson of choosing praise over criticism the hard way. To learn the lesson in a memorable way, open the paperback to page 15 (may be different in your printing) and look for the story Father Forgets. Parents too often criticize their children in the hopes of helping them to grow with good values and behaviors. However, admonition provides no encouragement and little direction. You may temporarily get the behavior you want, but it is fleeting since the reason is not internalized. Rather, Carnegie suggests, use positive reinforcement by praising good behavior, so the desired activity is likely to be repeated. Common sense. Uncommonly practiced.
The Big Secret of Dealing With People
Everyone, it seems, wants to feel important. Psychologists list this desire as a fundamental human need and it is certainly one element that separates us from other life forms. This is a great personal motivator, and Carnegie explores this with some enlightening historical references.
He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Road
More common sense ideas here, captured clearly. The best way to get someone to do something is when he or she wants to. Andrew Carnegie, the steel magnate, described a situation where his sister was concerned that her two boys, enrolled at Yale University, never wrote home. He showed her just how easy it was by simply writing a chatty note to them and mentioning that he knew that five dollars would help them out and was glad to enclose the money. However, he neglected to include the cash. Needless to say, both boys wrote back letters full of news, politely pointing out his oversight. The key consideration in this section is to understand what people want and arouse that in presenting your ideas. We don't eat worms, but that is what fish prefer, so use worms when you want fish. Do you see how simple and accurate these concepts are?
Within these few hundred pages are countless lessons for living as a better human being, neatly organized. Each section is clearly presented. The next section, headed Six Ways to Make People Like You is an invaluable resource for dealing with one another. The six ways are:
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that the person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
This section opens with the question, "Why read this book to find out how to win friends? Why not study the technique of the greatest winner of friends the world has ever known?" Mr. Carnegie goes on to point out that a dog instinctively knows how to make fast friends by simply being interested in people.
An easy way to become a good conversationalist, he notes, is to become a good listener. Not only does this broaden your knowledge of the world at large, but also is one of the least common skills to be found. One of the greatest listeners of all times was Sigmund Freud and his work has changed the lives of countless millions.
If you have ever had problems negotiating or dealing with disagreeable circumstances, the next section, entitled How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking will be an important asset in these situations. Ben Franklin, Socrates, Abraham Lincoln, and General Robert E. Lee are all considered, among many others. Their problems were large but their talent was sufficient to deal with many difficult events and he includes vignettes of how to apply this in your own life.
Finally, the book concludes by outlining leadership techniques.
I have read this book dozens of times and learn something with each pass. I cannot imagine a time in the future when I will no longer do so, though, as the presentation is so complete (and my personal room for growth so vast.) Fifteen million copies are floating around, so it would seem to hold universal appeal.
Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy. It may prove to be one of the most important things you ever read.
Just the facts
Publication year: 1936 – revised 1981
ISBN: 0-671-72365-0
Section: Non-Fiction
Author Dale Carnegie (also How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and Lincoln the Unknown.)
Paperback
249 pp.
$7.50 US, $10.50 Canada
Recommended:
Yes
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aashtech
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Member: Steve
Location: Raleigh, NC
Reviews written: 112
Trusted by: 43 members
About Me:
Hack golfer and passable poker player.
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