Spenser's One Bad Mutha...Shut Yo Mouth!
Written: Jul 19 '03 (Updated Jul 19 '03)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: The novel moves quickly
Cons: Spenser is an obnoxious caricature
The Bottom Line: This novel inspired me to write my own book entitled, "John, The Strong Man Who Gets Lots of Ladies!"
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| tanta07's Full Review: Robert B. Parker - Hush Money |
Robert Parker's Hush Money is a type of book that I like to call "in-betweeners." It's the kind of book I like to read after finishing off a lengthy or complex novel. For instance, after plowing my way through the 2,000 page epic of Three Kingdoms, I felt like I needed a little bit of a break. Books like Hush Money are not all that long, not all that involved, and they leaving me feeling like I've cleansed my palate a little bit in preparation for my next novel. In Hush Money, we are led through another romping adventure by Parker's fictional private dick, Spenser. Spenser is quick-witted, athletic, charming, and big with the ladies. He's also got a gun and a mean attitude. Sounds like just the thing to blow through in order to clear your head, right? Yes, that it is. Hush Money moves at a brisk pace at only 323 pages, with many of those being blank pages, since Parker is fond of making his chapters only 4 or 5 pages long. While it is over quickly, it doesn't actually move at such a brisk pace. In reality, Hush Money lumbers along with a hackneyed plot, abrasive and obnoxious main character, and pages upon pages of nothing in particular actually happening. I couldn't help but feel that this was really just a vanity project. But not for Parker; it seems that he is far more interested in his character, Spenser, than even himself (unless he considers himself Spenser, which is very likely). So many pages are devoted to painting Spenser as some sort of demi-god that there is barely enough ink left to end the novel (although there's plenty of blank paper left over).
One day Spenser is casually sitting around his office when he is approached by a man named Robinson Nevins. Nevins was a prominent professor at a local university, but he was recently denied tenure because of an alleged affair with a male student that supposedly ended with the student throwing himself out of a window. Got all that? Good. Anyway, in order to make things right and get Nevins his job back, Spenser must unravel the facts surrounding the untimely death of the student, one Prentice Lamont. As it turns out, Lamont ran a small newspaper out of his apartment that outed closet homosexuals around town, and he made more than a few enemies who would like to see him do a swan dive out of a window.
But this novel would only be about 100 pages long if it were strictly confined to just this plot. No, we need a subplot! Since Spenser is a strapping brute who is a whiz with the ladies, we need to somehow insert a nymphomaniac into the picture who can constantly beg him for sex! Enter K.C. Roth, a steamy sex kitten who thinks she has a stalker problem. She is recently divorced, but doesn't suspect it's her ex-husband. She claims it's a handsome young stockbroker, but he seems to get all the tail he wants, so that doesn't make much sense either. There's something more to this story, and by golly, Spenser will get to it, no matter how many people he has to punch out, or sexual advances he has to shrug off! K.C. Roth, of course, finds Spenser irresistibly attractive (as every female seems to in Parker’s world), and forgets all about her stalker as she tries again and again to force herself on him. Spenser casually blows her off as he just keeps doing his job (what a drag it must be to get offered sex just going out to the mailbox every day). After all, his live-in girlfriend is also a stunning nympho, but hey, she cooks, too.
Things get neatly tied up with a pretty bow on top by the 300 page mark as Spenser leaves a trail of assault and breaking and entering charges in his wake. You see, Spenser’s brand of detecting involves following a person all over town, then breaking into their apartment or place of business, and then beating the crap out of them until he gets the information he wants. For some reason, however, other people in the book have assault charges placed on them, or are accused of stalking, but these accusations never get leveled at Spenser. He is free to bash anyone in the face at will, and then show up at their house again the next day, with no negative consequences. Wouldn’t it be fun to live in Robert Parker’s world for just one day? “Hey, buddy, you cut me off back there!” ::bashes the other driver in the face:: “Well, now I’m going back to my everyday life of having countless women shamelessly fawn over me! See ya!”
Not only is Spencer’s world incredibly simplistic and juvenile, but Parker does not go very far in justifying just what makes him such a good detective. I mean, the man only speaks in sentence fragments, never uttering more than 3 words at a time. This does quicken the pace of the conversations quite a bit, but there’s absolutely no substance to them. I think Parker’s angle here is that he wants us to think that Spenser is such a cunning linguist that he can effortlessly talk circles around other people by only uttering a few syllables. The real effect, though, is that Spenser comes out sounding like a half-wit who is a few steps behind in the conversation. I guess this is supposed to give him the edge. You remember how Columbo always pretended to be an idiot so that the criminals would get lulled into letting too much information slip? Well, this is nothing like that. Instead, the effect is more like The Dude from The Big Lebowski: he really was a moron, even though everyone thought he was really a sharp guy who was pulling the Columbo bit. Here’s a brief excerpt of some of the lightning-witted dialogue that can be found in these pages:
She wriggled a little tighter against me, though I didn’t see her move. “You’re very understanding,” she said.
“Yep.”
“And you always seem so clear.”
“Clear,” I said.
“Have you ever cheated on Susan?”
“Once. Long time ago.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
“She ever cheat on you?”
“That would be for her to answer,” I said.
“If she did would you care?”
“Yes.”
“Did she care the time you did?”
“Yes.”
“How did she find out?”
“I told her.”
“Would she have known if you hadn’t told her?”
“Maybe not.”
“Why did you tell her?”
“Seemed a good idea at the time,” I said.
“If you did again, would she care?”
“Yes.”
“Would you tell her?”
“I’ll decide after I do it again.”
“Do you think you’ll do it again?” she said.
I couldn’t figure out how she had moved so much closer to me, since she had started out leaning on me.
“Day at a time,” I said.
I mean, how could a woman not be in love with this guy? He’s like Robert Frost, for crying out loud! And by the way, I just randomly put my finger in the book to choose this passage; the rest of the book is exactly like this.
I couldn’t even really figure out what this fixation on Spenser was all about until I glanced at the author’s photo on the jacket of the book. While he is sporting the leather jacket and baseball cap that is Spenser’s attire in the book, as well as holding a dog on a leash that appears similar to the one Spenser owns, he couldn’t be further from Spenser material. Robert Parker appears to be short, pudgy, and pock-marked. Spenser is, of course, a towering, strapping fellow, with impeccable skin, I’m sure. All too often in the book, it just feels like Parker is living out his superhero fantasy through his character of Spenser, and it just feels so wrong in so many ways. Though this superhero can’t fly, he is immune to lawsuits, can leap entire conversations in a single grunt, and is impervious to sexual advances. He is James Bond, only with less dialogue and more hot chicks. If a horny 13 year-old boy were to write a detective story, it might turn out something like this.
Have no fear, though - Spenser does get the job done. He solves the two cases, punches out the bad guys, shredding the justice system in the process, ditches the nympho (K.C. Roth, not his girlfriend, though they are hard to separate at times), and finishes things off with a cold brew and a lovely romp with his always-ready-to-go old lady.
Though it sounds like I want this novel to disappear off the face of the earth, I must admit that it did entertain me, although in a “so bad, it’s good,” type of way. The pages turn rapidly with this novel, so no matter what the experience was like, it was over quickly. I understand that Parker has an ongoing series with his Spenser character, and I will forever be confused about that. I suspect there might be some people out there who keep reading these books because of the severe kitsch factor to them (like in the “so bad, it’s good” type of way). However, I am deeply disturbed that there may be some people out there who feel this really is a good detective novel. And maybe it really is and I just don’t know it. The detective genre is not one I’ve really been that into over the years, so maybe this is as good as it gets. If this is the case, I think you won’t see me hanging around the “mystery” section of my local bookstore any time soon.
I would only recommend this book to those who have read Parker’s “Spenser” novels before, and are looking for more of the same. For those looking for something deeper, check out Bug Bunny’s spoofs of film noir detective stories.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
tanta07
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Member: John
Location: Greeley, CO. USA
Reviews written: 212
Trusted by: 51 members
About Me:
The sunshine bores the daylights out of me.
Chasing shadows, moonlight mystery.
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