What really caused Terry Bradshaw to go Bald!
Written: Jun 26 '03 (Updated Jun 26 '03)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Hard to find
Cons: You can find it
The Bottom Line: Local peer persuasion at best.... keep it around to chase off the neighbors or long staying relatives
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| LaFeet's Full Review: Loft Beer |
I have strayed away from beer bashing. I can not lie… I was recovering from my last episode of stomach revolts…..all due to a LEGEND…Iron City Beer.
So how does one describe something that make Wasabi taste mild? Or a buzzard’s butt smell good?
I am still at a loss. I have had many a bad beer in my days… and most of those I can relate to you quite easily.. but this one may require Clinton’s Poet Laureate (or his defense council) to describe. I will try and do my best…..
Being a military brat, and retired navy scum, I have had many a friend from all over the globe. I recall boot camp in Orlando (whip me, beat me, but don’t throw in that there Briar Patch..). Me having completed a wrestling season and a summer of working on fishing boats. And my friends, those from Wisconsin, Oregon, Maine or Pennsylvania.
Me hardly sweating during or boot camp workouts, and them..red faced and near death. We all could not wait to graduate and get our hands on some beer…almost any beer.
Shortly after grad date, I and some Pittsburgh natives happened into a shady bungalow in Orlando. They had Iron City Beer ONTAP??? My buddies all Woo Hooed and shimmied up to the bar.
Memories… How that first taste hit me like a porta-potty swooning – you know… those that were placed out there during last years concert..and still have not been serviced.
Yup… that’s just one of the many folds in my grey matter inside my skull.
I happened upon some “FRESH” Iron City Beer recently…and I squirreled (repressed for you head shrink types) away my memory…..BIG MISTAKE.
There was an old Star Trek episode on the tube. Kirk was about to step inot a major pile of … and the music was announcing his impending doom. But I knew that Kirk always comes through in the end, and so would I….
Pulling the tab was like prying open a black walnut with your bare hands. The tab managed to snap and soar across the room. Frustrated, I broke out the handy Gerber on my night stand (what-you don’t have one there yet… it’s all the rage man). Stabbing through the course aluminum lid, I released a vile and noxious cloud of fumes.
It was overly sweet… like almond paste. But doesn’t arsenic taste that way also?
Without noticing the staining on the 304 Stainless Steel Gerber blade, I poured the Iron City into a glass. I chose one of those extra bar glasses I have because I figured that’s how it’s served Up There.
Iron City Beer pours nicely and generated an ENORMOUS amount of HEAD. I shifted to a larger glass just to avoid any run over. It was about this time that I noticed the Gerber blades discoloration….. and Kirk was getting his butt kicked by a Romulan.
A surprisingly pleasant pale amber color appeared as the head slowly gave way to liquid. The surface tension of the head was stout and held the pull tab for a period of time. There was an overabundance of carbonation present….my nose felt as if it was getting rained on as I brought the glass up for a drink.
First impressions are the most important – right? Well, I still had this Orlando version in my mind…and and and
Iron City Beer is too sweet. It was like eating an alka selter that was coated with powdered sugar. Too sweet and too carbonated. There were some hints at other flavors. I could not detect any rice water flavor like Bud, Bush, Miller or Coors. There is a distinct, and lingering bitterness that seems to coat your tongue like cod liver oil.
I could not find the right flavor, until I burped….
How many of you love Corn Nuts? I can eat them all day…something about nearly burnt, roasted corn kernels – MMMMM MMMM! Yup, that was the flavor – burnt corn. So we have a beer that bubbles your nose and stomach, is sweet enough to cause diabetes and taste like burnt corn……. Only from Pittsburgh. It MUST be SOMETHING in the WATER.
And there is little body to this beer... almost like a light beer with flavor. I recall a cook on the submarine who could make cookies that were dry and chewy at the same time. Iron City Beer has that nack with beer.
Now I am not trying to anger you folks from Pennsylvania, I have quite a few friends from there. Iron City was probably a great beer in its day (available since 1861). Iron City was one of the first lager beers brewed in the United States. They packaged their beer in cans before anyone else, including decorations on the cans to celebrate athletes and sites in the Pittsburgh area. And many a famous man has enjoyed an Iron City beer, including presidents. It was so sought after by the local worker that horses delivered it straight from the factory to the workers in the steel mills, factories and at the rivers.
And you folks must have had those taste numbing traits passed down to you from previous generations. You can't help it. It's akin to someone in Atlanta asking for GRITS.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
LaFeet
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 - Top 500 |
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Member: Paule Patterson
Location: Cushing, Ok
Reviews written: 314
Trusted by: 36 members
About Me:
Retired Submariner, ex Air-Force Brat, current radiation protection tech, hiding in urban Oklahoma
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