He Quacks Me Up
Written: Dec 16 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Always good for a laugh. Like a pet, but without the mess.
Cons: Some quality control problems. Gets in the last word every time you turn the light off!
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| johnshepler's Full Review: Max Mallard |
I walk into the TA truck stop and some guy yells,"Ah, wise guy, huh?" Uh, oh. Is he looking at me? As a matter of fact he is. Then he says to my wife, "your pond or mine?" The nerve! This character sure has a lot of lip…a lot of bill, that is. Max Mallard is the name. Smart mouthing is the game.
Nobody Told Him to Duck
Maybe they were hoping somebody would shoot HIS mouth off. After all, this is one insulting waterfowl. Funny thing is, his quacked personality starts to grow on you and then…oh, my, were we actually bringing that thing home? Oh, yeah, but he had to ride in the trunk. I wasn’t completely sure that Max wouldn’t be spouting off the entire way back home and drive me into a ditch or something. I told him why I was putting him in the trunk and all he said was "you quack me up!"
Now Max Mallard, the singing duck, sits on top of the file cabinet in my office. Sometimes I forget he’s there when I walk in. Likely as not, though, he turns his head and says, "when does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn!" When I stand up from the computer, he’ll remind me, "hey, I’ve got a web site…it’s right at the end of my leg!"
He talks, He Sings, He Flaps His Yap
Oh, yes, this is Max Mallard, the singing duck. If you’re familiar with Big Mouth Billy Bass, the crooning fish, you’ll find that Max Mallard is the next step in technology gone amuck. He sits quietly, looking like any mallard duck decoy, until you push a button or cast a shadow on his light sensor. Then, like Billy, Max Mallard turns his head toward you, opens his bill, and starts to vocalize. He has two songs. He’ll sing "Rock the Boat" and "Hit Me with Your Best Shot" at random times. If you thought the fish was hilarious singing "take me to the river, put me in the water," you’ll double up when the duck croons "why don’t you hit me with your best shot." Resist the urge. You’ll want to hear the rest of his spiel.
Max does a couple of things that Billy Bass doesn’t. First, he talks as well as sings. He has 10 phrases, including the ones I’ve mentioned, and such memorable quips as "that decoy was the best looking chick I’ve ever seen." Sometimes he just sits and quacks up a storm for a bit. Quazy duck. The other difference between Max Mallard and Billy Bass is that Max does his act in random order. You really don’t know what he’s going to say or sing next. I think Gemmy has really come up with something there. Because Max has ten phrases, random quacking and two songs, it’s almost like having a pet in your office. I wish my parrot could remember 10 phrases and any song. I’m also glad the duck doesn’t need a constant supply of newspapers under him.
Hey, Did Somebody Step On a Duck?
I’ll admit I’ve grown accustomed to his bill. But, it took three trips to the truck stop to get a reliable Max Mallard. The one who greeted us in the store was always perky and did his tricks im-peck-ably. The first Max we purchased worked overnight but then stopped moving his head or bill. He still talked and sang, but sat on his tree stump motionless.
Back he went. Wise to a potential quality problem, we exchanged that Max for another one, but put in the batteries right in the parking lot. Sure enough, this Max also suffered from rigor quackus. He didn’t move at all.
Finally, we asked the clerk if we could have the display model instead of a fresh duck ala carton. Sure. Since this duck greeted us every time we went into the store, we knew that he worked and probably wouldn’t suffer from any early failure…infant mortality, as it’s known in the electronics trade. Sure enough, the third Max Mallard has been wise quacking for weeks, day and night. He’s still running on the original three AA batteries that the store installed.
All kidding aside, this is the only real issue I’ve had with Max Mallard. Perhaps it is a quality problem at the factory related only to a flock or so, but make sure you check out the Max you purchase and ensure that you can exchange him if he poops out prematurely. I still think that Gemmy is a decent manufacturer, as my original Big Mouth Billy Bass has been hanging on the wall flopping and singing for six months….although not every day, for crying out loud.
How Do I Get Down…Get It? Down?
You’ll find Max popping up more and more places. In fact, he and his cadre of loquacious relatives, including a complete school of performing fish species, seem to be showing up in chain stores such as Walgreen’s as well as in truck stops. So why are truck stops, of all places, leading the nation in new technology introductions? I’ll have to put that question to Max. I’m sure he’ll quack out a smart retort. After all, HE’s the real wise guy.
By the way, you may also be interested in my complete review of Big Mouth Billy Bass at: http://johnshepler.epinions.com/kifm-review-3A5A-3FD730A-39A2F1C7-prod4
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
johnshepler
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Member: John Shepler
Location: Rockford, IL
Reviews written: 18
Trusted by: 14 members
About Me:
Hey, I hope that big guy behind me only sinks his teeth into these reviews!
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