Reach out and irritate someone
Written: Dec 14 '01 (Updated Jan 29 '02)
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Pros: Cheap, plenty of features, usually cheap with a "package deal" from service provider
Cons: Pester folks from the comfort of your car!
The Bottom Line: It's portable and it works. What else do you want in one of these dreadful things?
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| HawgWyld's Full Review: Nokia 5185i Cell Phone |
My goodness, how I hate those cellular phones. The last one I owned "accidentally" flew out of my car window due to a strong gust of wind (or, that's my story, anyway). I assume it was broken as I was driving along at around 80-miles-per hour at the time down the interstate, but I didn't bother to stop and check.
So, imagine how thrilled I was when my Wife got one of those damn things. Specifically, she got the Nokia 5185i for "emergencies." There haven't been any emergencies, of course, but she has been able to give me plenty of those choppy, barely-audible calls from her car during which she can ask me when I'm getting off work, tell me our son lost a shoe at daycare, inform me I'm in trouble because our son shook his fist and yelled, "Get a car, hippies!" at a group of cyclists, or whatever else she has on her mind.
Truly, I hate cellular phones. However, I won't gripe too much about my Wife owning this Nokia because it was dirt cheap and came bundled with a ton of minutes. Through the local Alltel provider, this phone was included with my Wife's calling plan for a mere $29.95.
The ton of minutes that came with my Wife's plan have inspired me to use this on a few long distance calls at home rather than using the more traditional phone at my house. So, I've learned a thing or two about features.
Frankly, there are too many damned features, and they are all described in a 90-page users manual. One of my Wife's favorite feabures is the ability to select around 40 different ring tones. Currently, she's got her phone set to mutilate Ode to Joy from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, but there are some other classics and ditties this phone can trash, as well. Yes, there's nothing quite like hearing one of these tinny, rotten little things absolutely shred "The William Tell Overture" or our National Anthem (I imagine dead composers turning in their graves every time one of their masterpieces is blooped out by a crummy phone). And, there are even a few tones which sound rather like an electronic phone should when it's ringing (imagine that). As for the music here, just imagine symphonies being played through the sound channel on an Atari 2600 or Odyssey 2, and you'll get the idea.
Also, this telephone has the ability to redial the last number called. She, evidently, likes that feature. I know this because I tend to accidentally hang up on her when she calls me while driving down the road, and she always manages to call me back rather angrily and immediately.
The phone also has a built in address book, so one can store a lot of numbers and quickly locate a few people to bother. Also, there are some games built in to this. Good God! Why would you want to play games on a damn phone? You can go down to Toys 'R' Us right now (provided your local store isn't one of the 65 or so being shut down) and pick up a cheap LCD game for about $5. I'm not sure why Nokia bothered sticking that kind of cheap junk on an allegedly sophisticated communications device.
The phone also supports some features, provided they come with your cellular plan. Voice mail, text messaging and call forwarding are all supported on this one.
This phone, being digital, is supposed to provide one with that crystal-clear communications stuff we've heard about for a couple of years now. I know from using it at home that it's clear enough when stationary. However, my Wife's signal seems to break up a bit every now and then when she calls me from her car. I also know that it's got a good, strong microphone in it as I can always hear my Wife's voice and plenty of road noise when she calls with it. Perhaps the choppy reception that plagues this thing from time to time is due to our provider and the fact that signals aren't so strong at various spots in these Ozark hills. Still, it sounds a heck of a lot like one of those "low tech" analog cellular phones to me.
As for size, this phone is pretty small. It's about six-inches long and fairly light, making it the ideal size to toss out of a car window or skip across a pond. My Wife says it travels well in her purse, and refuses to let me toss it out of a car window or skip it across a pond. However, at $29.95, you won't lose too much if you destroy it by venting your anger on it. I suspect stomping one of these "digital ball and chains" into dust or backing over it a few times with a car is just good therapy.
And, if you just can't stand that black phone with a dark gray cover, you can even order a custom cover to stick on your phone. I'm not sure why anyone would want to do that, but there are a heck of a lot of covers available.
Finally, the issue of battery life comes up. Honestly, that's not been a problem. My Wife has a charger here and one that plugs into the cigarette lighter of her car. She's never run out of power. Indeed, she can gab away on this dreadful little device and pester folks for quite some time because she's never too far away from a charger.
So, in short, this is a cheap phone that works well enough. You don't get any Internet connectivity with it, but I doubt most people are interested in burning up minutes contacting the Web on a cellular phone, anyway.
As for my recommendation on this, the Nokia is a very average, middle-of-the road phone. You'll never find me telling anyone they must rush out and buy a digital phone. This model works well enough, I suppose, but I wonder how many people actually need one of these. I'd argue that we've been tricked into purchasing these things by some clever marketing. However, if I'm going to buy something I don't need, I'd like to at least have something cool like a Harley Davidson or a bottle of good bourbon. Now, hang up that damn phone and drive!
Super Special Extra Bonus!
I've already listed some of these, but here is a very useful list of things you can do with your very own cellular phone. I call it Grumpy Ol' HawgWyld's List of Dandy Fun Things to Do with A Cellular Phone:
1. Measure snow
2. Use as a tire chock for semi trucks and other pieces of heavy equipment
3. Skip across a pond
4. Use as clay pigeon for skeet shooting
5. Toss out a car window to test wind resistance
6. Throw at officials at sporting contests when you don't want to waste plastic bottle of beer
7. Buy 10 or so and make your very own portable speed bump
8. Give to Rover for use as a chew toy
9. Impress 12-year-old kids down at the mall who still think it's pretty darn cool to own a digital phone
10. Use as "Exhibit 'A'" when arguing that society's going to hell
Recommended:
No
Amount Paid (US$): 29.95
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HawgWyld
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Member: Ethan C. Nobles
Location: Benton, Ark.
Reviews written: 1429
Trusted by: 495 members
About Me:
The oxen are slow, but the earth is patient.
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