Darth Vader Gets His Mack On
Written: Jun 12 '02 (Updated Jun 13 '02)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: It's better than Phantom Menace...
Cons: With more lame humor, wooden acting, pixellated shots, and a pitiful romance.
The Bottom Line: For die-hard geeks and fanboys, there is no substitute. For everyone else, there is Spider-Man.
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| Donlee_Brussel's Full Review: Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones |
In the original Star Wars, George Lucas’ only crime was cribbing Akira Kurosawa's Hidden Fortress. In Attack of the Clones however, Lucas is guilty of jocking “Dawson’s Creek,” barely an elevation to 1999’s The Phantom Menace that aimed more towards the “Teletubbies” audience.
Three years have past since the faithful lost faith in their messiah who reinvented and rejuvenated the sci-fi fantasy genre. Die-hard fans and even Lucas himself admitted that the aggravating antics of Jar Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd (as the insufferably cute Anakin Skywalker) in Episode I were indefensible. The sole saving graces were the Pod Race and final lightsaber battle between Darth Maul, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor).
Craving another billion for his empire, Lucas attempts to win back the legions of followers that have turned their backs on the man they once worshipped. This time around, Binks’ screen time is minimal, the comic relief is C-3PO’s, and Natalie Portman’s flesh is bared.
Attack of the Clones takes place a few years after Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) hit puberty. He’s dreaming about his mom (wonder what Freud’s theory is on Jedis who do that), lusting after Padme (Portman), the former Queen of Naboo whom he hasn’t seen since the last film, and playing “Padawan” (apprentice) to his master Obi-Wan.
After an assassination attempt is made on Padme’s life, the Jedi council agrees to have the Jedis become her bodyguards. However, the Scooby Doo mystery behind who's trying to kill her and why separates Kenobi from the destined couple. He discovers a plot entailing a clone army modeled after Jango Fett (Temeura Morrison) and of course, the dark side of the Force.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the future Darth Vader tries to hook up with his uber-crush using pick-up lines that wouldn’t even fly in one of SNL’s “Ladies’ Man” skits. "I don't like the sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, not like you. You're soft and smooth."
Lucas’ strongpoint isn’t writing (as evidenced by the mind numbingly mediocre dialogue) or directing (as evidenced by the poor framing of several of the shots). Lucas' only gift is telling a story. Thankfully, he tells a pretty good one.
Arguably, the film’s best scene is Anakin’s confession of his acts of vengeance. Here, viewers begin to see the gradual transformation of Skywalker into the epitome of evil personified in Darth Vader. Here, Christensen sends chills down viewers’ spines with his monologue. Here, and only here, Christensen shows why he may have deserved the much sought after role over Ryan Phillippe or Leonardo DiCaprio.
The most talked about aspect of Clones on the other hand, is Yoda’s “big” (read: 30 seconds) fight scene with Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) where he shows why he’s the ultimate Jedi.
The special effects in the film are never quite breathtaking, with the exception of the rainy planet. Too much looks like it could come from our own hard drives and thus, there’s no suspense in scenes such as the coliseum one evocative of Gladiator or the droid factory scene reminiscent of Super Mario video games.
It's 2002, and mega-budgeted films like this and Spider-Man have scenes that look faker than cubic zirconias. Although to be fair, Sam Raimi's film made up for the excess of effects and occasional cornball dialogue by having its characters on screen act more real and less CGI than the Episode II inhabitants.
Clones ends with a few cliffhangers and parallels to The Empire Strikes Back, an improvement over Menace and its Disneyland conclusion. The fact that this film is better than its predecessor though is akin to Battlefield Earth having a sequel. I keep hearing in response to disappointment over the first two episodes that the third will be reach for the Prozac depressing.
If Lucas’ final chapter in this trilogy delivers the goods, I might be at George Lucas’ shrine with the rest of the geeks and fanboys. If it doesn’t, hell hath no fury like a jaded critic scorned.
Recommended:
Yes
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Donlee_Brussel
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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The best movie, music, and book reviews written by a Chinese Jew on Epinions, ever.
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