Cosmopolitan is an anachronism--it appears to be a magazine for today but is rife with lingering "Helen Gurly Brown's version of the early days of feminism" ideas about what it means to be a modern woman--a Cosmo Girl. Think of her as Mary Richards, if Mary was a goer.
Becoming The Cosmo Girl
As near as I can tell, being a Cosmo Girl means becoming Stupid And Sexy. We all know these SnS girls--they are the ones who walk into a club or a large party and within five minutes have found a reason to squeal and throw their arms up into the air, and with that one move are able to say "Sure, I may be stupid, but I am so sexxxy, and do you really want to discuss quantum physics right now anyway?' While she's got a point there, I am not totally convinced that this is the goal we should all be shooting for in our quest for womanly perfection. Cosmo, it seems, does not agree -- Cosmo wants us all to be a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.
Push Up, Shove Over
The Cosmo Girl relies heavily on cleavage and I can practically guarantee that you'll find something about cleavage in any issue you pick up--creating and manipulating it, with makeup and surgery and WonderBras and MiracleBras and AquaSuperSonic bras, but the overriding theme is always, "Work it, sister". Nothing is more important than cleavage. Big debates rage in the letters page on whether to fully expose the bra or to keep in coquettishly peeking out from that gargantuan V in your dress or sweater. The jury is still out on that one.
Pleasing Your Man
There's a lot of "man pleasing" in this magazine, and while I have nothing against man pleasing per se, I do have something against using the word man constantly ("my man", "your man", "her man", "drive your man wild", "Man, you had better man your man around his man", and so on). What is up with that? Doesn't one of them have a thesaurus buried somewhere in that cleavage?
Dumb It Down
There's an unidimensionality about Cosmo, certain advice, that while never exactly typed onto the pages, always looms in the distance--a voice that whispers --"Don't be too smart, or if you are, pretend you aren't because guys don't dig brainy chicks"
(I must add that I have nothing against women who choose to take this route, in fact my hair stylist is a very nice person and she is the ultimate Cosmo Reader and Cosmo Girl, choosing to keep her literary analysis brief--by simply exclaiming that "Shakespeare is an awesome writer!" And so maybe last time I saw her she pronounced I, Claudius I-Clavdivis, but really, Shakespeare is awesome and that wierd Roman U could confuse anyone. So I can't really blame Cosmo for this, but honestly, I don't think it has helped much either. )
The magazine may pay a little lip service to the idea of reading and educating oneself, but I don't think they mean too much more than a very thorough study of "203 Ways to Drive A Man Wild in Bed". All education is a noble pursuit (she says, Cosmo-Girl like), but you've got to have something to talk about between trips to the Sex Farm and the lingerie shop, don't you?.
Catching a Man
Another thing I dislike about Cosmopolitan is that it places too much importance on flirting and seduction as a raison d'etre (GET ME getting all italic on your behind! --no idea how to make a circumflex, so sorry GP). What's wrong with flirting and seduction you ask? Well nothing on its own, but Cosmo places an unhealthy emphasis on manipulation -- lots of "how to trap a man" kind of advice. For a Cosmo girl, the worst thing you can be is a lousy flirt or a lousy seducer. You're supposed to get all Diana Ross "I'm Going to Make You Love Me" on the guy, and really, when it comes to seduction, is there a woman alive that has ever had to try that hard? I don't know who these Cosmo girls are targeting, but those of us inhabiting the real world know the power of a furtive glance in the direction of well, anything really. The trapping and snaring talk is simultaneously sinister and demeaning and it creeps me right out.
What's really going on here, of course, is that the Cosmo Girl measures herself by the men she dates, and that's the real anachronism--even though it's all tarted up for the 21st Century, sans the marriage license, that attitude is still just a throwback to the 1950s. Do whatever you have to do to get him, and then keep reading Cosmo for tricks to keep him. They'd never suggest getting pregnant as a man trap, because that's just not Cosmo!, but they might as well because it's exactly the same kind of thinking.
I cannot recommend this magazine because it is a tease--from its promise-laden cover, to its tell-us-something-we-don't-know articles, it's only fake and fluffy, irrelevant and discouraging and ultimately, a frustrating disappointment.
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