Get Me Out Of Here, Please!
Written: Sep 06 '01
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Pros: lots and lots of naked men pics
Cons: not many men with hard-ons, boring
The Bottom Line: While online I've read Playgirl interviews from several years ago that impressed me. Nothing about the hardcore mag does anymore.
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| jankp's Full Review: Playgirl Magazine |
This review is part of the Hard_to_Please Love Fest, organized by diverpam for our friend Mark (Hard_to_Please) who was recently diagnosed with advanced cancer. All funds raised this write-off will be donated to Mark to help defray some of his expenses. Although Mark has his own wonderfully unique style we are each attempting to honor him by writing in our best Hard_to_Please fashion. We hope you will enjoy the entries.
The crazy things that Epinions makes me do! I recently bought my virgin copy of Playgirl: Entertainment For Women at a seedy adult bookstore a few blocks away. I said virgin only in the sense of being a total newbie at it. I thought I’d be able to easily purchase it and then hang around outside to conduct a small survey of its buyers. Since the “scandalous” September issue had just come out, I should have plenty of good-natured, female shoppers of this particular product. Right?
Well, not exactly. I encountered my first bit of difficulty when upon entering the rather dark and sweaty-smelling establishment, I discovered that my goal was smack in the midst of many gay erotica magazines. Suddenly I felt the need to pee. What would people think if they saw me buy this thing?
And worse yet, how could I do a survey on why women are buying Playgirl if it’s not even considered Entertainment For Women? I hesitated a little too long for the comfort of the hard-breathing, muscular owner and I was summarily asked if I could be helped. Freaking out in sudden panic, I felt a much stronger urge to wet my pants and high-tailed it out of there. My very-straight guy friend was waiting on his old Yamaha for me.
When I pleaded with him to do the nasty deed for me, he only smirked saying, “Chicken,” and proceeded to take my five and one dollar bills from me before heading in there. I saw a few intense-looking men come out before him with the magazine opened up, although one guy quickly closed it when noticing my wide-eyed interest.
There were no women going in. I suffered the pleasure of encountering their amused stares as they surrounded the establishment in their butt-scootin’ skirts and glittery tube tops and waited for business to pick up. I wondered why my friend was taking so long.
Finally he came out with it sealed in plastic and tossed it to me without a word. I muttered, "Get me out of here, please!" and we roared off without my survey (sorry, Mark). He dropped me off with a toe-curling kiss (what was he thinking...or me?!) and I made it to the bathroom back in my apartment just in time. Sitting down with the magazine finally, I raised my eyebrows at the cover picture of a chiseled, slightly hairy naked man whose equipment was hidden by the square white box with numbers and lines inside. Feeling a thrill rush through me, I put on my new CDs: The Very Best of Cat Stevens and Billy Joel’s Songs In The Attic.
Hmm. The meaningless array of adjectives on the cover were an immediate turn-off.
“JUST SHOOT ME Star’s Scandalous NUDE PICS (never watched the show, no hottie)”
“EROTIC ADONIS, This GORGEOUS GOD Will Make Your HOTTEST FANTASIES Come True! (his bush was his downfall)”
“Show & Tell With CRAZY TOWN, The Bad Boys Of Rock (show what? never heard of the punkers) ”
“Sex On Drugs, Aphrodisiac or Death Wish? (hmm)”
“Built For SEX, Can You Handle This Biker’s SPEED MISSILE Between Your Thighs? (yeah right)”
“Awesome Athletes Get WILD On The Field And WILDER Between The Sheets (Cat Steven’s “Wild World” gets me going a lot more)”
When I opened it up, I was overwhelmed by phone-sex males in the buff and many pictures of previous Playgirl magazine covers hoping to entice me with buying them by mail. Guess they knew how uncomfortable I had been purchasing it from the store, I thought until noting the $24.95 pricetag for each! I’m certainly not that stupid or uncomfortable, people!
Then the editor welcomes me. A woman with a nice picture of her face who ends her pitch with “Well, at least I can tell you what’s in it for you: gorgeous guys who’ll have you turning these pages very slowly, lingering over their luscious bodies. Now that’s almost as good as getting summers off, right?”
That explains it then. The real Playgirl staff must’ve taken the summer off, too! I looked over the Contents separated in three sections of departments, features and pictorials amidst pictures of what was to come. I checked out playgirl.com twice to no avail while preparing for this review. Maybe they shouldn’t advertise it if it’s not up after being busted last summer for scamming people. I also noticed that all the photographers seem to be male and half of the writers, too. AdamMale.com, advertised here, is a Gay Porn site as well. Could this magazine only be a “Ballad Of Billy The Kid”?
What does this mean in terms of the content? I’ll tell you:
1) Pictures of predominantly white, circumcised males with soft equipment, hairless chests, but many times very bushy crotches, who are usually not fully smiling
2) Allusions to the sex act only, with soft, but well-hung “manly” men and gasping women of nice or extreme proportions
3) Sexual fantasies written by readers mostly (one was of lesbian sex) and nude pictures of pathetic men sent in by them, too.
4) Allusions to athletes’ sexual prowess. The first was a “hunky” rollerblader, which made me wish Epinions writer 29th_Candidate was featured instead!
5) Erotic-sounding sex videos, other products, phone sex at $2.50 a minute if you call a 900 number, $1.99 if a 800 number (beware!)
6) Sexual questions answered by a sex book author; a story of a porn star’s creation; the pros and cons of using drugs for sex, more sex talk with Dr. Joy Davidson, a reader’s fantasy forum, he said she said (experimenting with his fantasies not hers), lovesigns
Comments
It may be slightly obvious to you that I enjoyed the music I listened to a whole lot more than leafing through these pages of men in danger of muscle dysmorphia who probably are already using steroids and penis pumps. It may have been finding the magazine with gay erotica that initially caused me to view the men as gay, or maybe it was the tattoos, but I was completely bored with this magazine.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love looking at good-looking men who work out at the gym in moderation and on the soccer field or the construction site. My biker friend proves this beyond a doubt. But I have never been the type to objectify people or find lusting after strangers fulfilling I need emotional and spiritual attraction besides physical, like I have with my biker and Playgirl men seem only interested in sex.
This adventure did inspire one thing, though; to toy with the idea of trying a thong, hehe. However, I’d have to shave a little more down there and look like a preteen without pubic hair like those Baywatch babes I watched the other day, in my search for the perfect entry to this Hard_to_Please Love Fest write-off. If this idea appeals to my biker friend, he can bring his electric shaver. Hopefully something good will still come from buying this pricey magazine that does not deliver for me. Since I embarrassed him, it’s the least I can do by embarrassing myself, too!
jankp, jkkelley,29th Candidate, Sunkah, Dr_Steph, bwyckoff1, jo.com,
AinsleyJo, Lady Cynic, frazzledspice, mcmaster, roxymarie, LordAngel,
sherrylee, brendametcalf, pambo, NoMattrWht, Sordid-1, nwinston,
SLOW, Suzer, Biggs219, melissasrn, MattJoe, ifif1938, DiverPam,
GinaHill, grandgram, Hikini, pogomom, bops_mom, purplewiz, movielover123,
repulsemonkey, Redhotleigh, gonow, hypotenuse, blackcat2, mkp51, Kevlog,
flamepillar, PSobel, Taurusmoon, nathsmom, daddieo, Zenhues, cldoss, 2buzy,
Lizf, gransurfer1, Deaser26, Auldbawl1, Michiman1, prfstars, BARNZ, fransbebe,
Granniemose, ggrimes1221, ginzo, eplovejoy, michealhead, Arthur.Rubin, lisa_j,
cripper, Hadassahchana, teddiec, mtbat, momsworkinlate
For a link to all the reviews in the write-off, please visit
http://interlinediscounts.com/writeoff.htm.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
jankp
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 in Movies, Books |
 - Top 100 |
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Member: Jan Peregrine
Location: Lincoln, NE
Reviews written: 1561
Trusted by: 499 members
About Me:
Peregrine 10 write-off in progress: http://www.epinions.com/content_5367242884
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