I was passively forced to attend the screening of this film. I hold my personality as much to blame as any external influence. I'm one of those people who sometimes just has to go see a film even if the unseen listings evoke nothing more than a roll of the eyes. Call it therapy for a stressed (or bored) brain. This was one of those days, and one of those films. I felt I knew what this film was about just by glancing at the 'on paper' advertisement with a classy car, a bald Bruce Willis look-alike in a black suit, and a few brilliant yellow flames. I walked into the movie theater genre biased, and with very poor expectations.

This film certainly doesn't apologize for its own identity, and very much chooses to indulge in the glorious stereotype that characterizes any action flick of its type. Asininity that knows exactly what it is, and admits it, might not be as hopelessly dim as its close but oblivious cousin. At least that was my theory. The opening scene basks in a mindlessly concentrated 'masculinity' (just like one of those horrifically musky aftershaves) with a big black flash car, that same bald macho super-guy in the suit with matching black gloves, and a violent scene in which Mr. RealMan kicks some ass. I smiled and sat back - as much as I find it distasteful and a little frightening, stereotype too often has its basis in fact.

So, was Frank Martin (acted by Jason Statham) just about to head off to secret agent headquarters? No, get this for a twist of originality - Frank is an ex-secret agent who is now passing some time as a child's chauffeur! We soon meet little Jack as Frank picks him up from school and drops him off at home with the beloved parents who are involved in a spiteful argument at the time. Just as we are beginning to get a hint of character development, the plot decays and deems it high time for some mortal danger. I found it quite amusing that this danger came packaged in the form of three doctors and a super-sexy secretary. This secretary, Lola (Kate Nauta), is the babe belonging to 'bad guy' Gianni (Alessandro Gassman), and proves to be yet more masculinity bottled up in the feminine form. This lady is a mean machine, and nearly kills poor Frank and his little follower - even after they have escaped from the doctor brandishing the syringe full of the deadly virus. Ah. Almost forgot about the deadly virus – let’s leave that particular headache for paragraph seven.

This movie has some powerful action scenes, some I will admit to being a little too worthy for even a Bond movie. On occasion, the guns are dumped in favor of axes, metal bars & a few Samurai swords for good measure (who knows where in the blazes they came from). Speed boats end up being steered on roads and police-cars careen off bridges (and anywhere else that qualifies as a 'high place'). Most scenes truly are designed to be absolutely impossible, unbelievable, and therefore enjoyable. I enjoyed some. I simply couldn't resist, and I know the box office loves people like me with a similar lack of strength in the face of inanity.

One scene brought the whole movie crashing down, however - the up-in-the-air private-jet scene. Shame it also had to be the climax of the movie. The special effects were the worst I have seen in eons - yes, it was one of those 'rolling cabins', where you can nearly say hello to the crew pushing and shoving the cement-mixer like jet cabin while goodie and baddie tumble around the edges. Don’t forget the spinning camera either…My laughter no longer had a tinge of delight but the sharp edge of condescension.

This movie also throws in a few 'good boy' messages in the midst of all the violence, explosions and general malice. As Frank tells Jack, rule number three of 'the car' is to always wear a seatbelt – a hilarious lesson in the context of a movie that stands as the purest symbol of masculinity in the form of high speed car chases and death-defying stunts. This movie was also an advertiser’s Utopia – now I know real men talk on Nokia phones and guzzle Heineken (pronounced only with tremendously guttural & manly Dutch accent).

So, why is everybody fighting in the first place, you ask? Well, the bad guys have got a bad virus and want to infect all the important people in the world – then hold them for ransom, you see, with a purple antidote to match the yellow virus. Frank wants the antidote back to save the world and because little Jack's family are infected. Nobody is about to be bowled over by the intelligence of the plot, and character development is unlikely to be a redeeming factor - apart from knowing the Frank was once a secret agent and 'transporter', no character ever seems to have lived or had a history before this very moment of flame and fury. Their personalities remain static throughout the movie, and most are dead at the end so...

Overall, this movie had the action, and a little pizazz - but realistically, it had no brain and ultimately only the usual balls. After all those action scenes, the guy doesn't even get the girl!

Recommended:
No