One-dimensional Decadence
Written: Dec 18 '00 (Updated Dec 24 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Almost everything on the menu can be gloriously doused in malt vinegar
Cons: The exit door is just as narrow as the entrance door, even though you may not be as thin on your way out as you were on your way in
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| Sloucho's Full Review: Long John Silver's |
Q: What do corn meal and fish have in common with shrimp, potatoes, and fish?
A: They can all be fried.
If you're accustomed to travelling around the U.S.A. by car, you've probably had occasion to stop at Long John Silver's, possibly the only fast food restaurant chain in which deep fryers are used not to supplement the more traditional "grill," but to replace it.
Since the cole slaw is inedible and the corn-on-the-cob is a novelty wax item masquerading as a vegetable, it's not much of an exaggeration to say that chocolate pudding is the only non-fried item on the menu.
And take it from a man who used to be a twelve-year-old boy: That ain't all bad.
As I've grown older, I've become less and less capable of eating the rubbery sticks of fowl that LJS calls "chicken planks." I'm also less than enamoured of the tasteless fried shrimp and the even more objectionable packets of sauce likely to be included with it. But I think the fish fillets are better than edible--even, perhaps, tasty. In my opinion, it's silly to bother with french fries in a place that's willing to cook so many other comestibles in hot grease. And my favorite item on the menu is one of the more decadent items available in the American fast food industry: the hush puppy.
Now I will make a confession that will no doubt result in my being removed from more than one person's Web of Trust: Whenever I am on an extended road trip, I go out of my way to stop at LJS for hush puppies. According to most people, these are nothing more than sickeningly fattening little globs of corn meal saturated by grease. In my opinion, however, they are nothing less than satisfyingly fattening little orbs of golden brown bliss.
I particularly like to soak the hush puppies in the malt vinegar that LJS provides. In fact, I will go ahead and propose, as a general principle, that diners enjoy their experience at LJS to the extent that they pickle their fish, fries, chicken, shrimp and hush puppies in malt vinegar.
If you want the advice of a connoisseur of highway food, douse your entire plate in the vinegar and let it sit and soak as you eat your chocolate pudding appetizer. Then plunge in and don't bother wiping your mouth until you're through. (If you wipe your mouth prematurely, you may find that the outer layer of your lips is peeling off. Do not be distressed by this as it will grow back.)
Most LJS "Seafood Shoppes" are set up with an entrance door on the right side of the building, an exit door on the left, and a counter that runs across the width of the building with a few tables stationed in front of it. Don't make the mistake of using the drive-through. The food at LJS is more than condiment-friendly; it is condiment-dependent. Whatever your taste--be it ketchup, malt vinegar, or tartar sauce--you will need a healthy condiment:product ratio in order to make the most of your meal. You won't be able to get enough packets to make eating in your car an attractive option. And even if you do persuade a cashier to be generous with the condiments, you will find condiment-deployment to be a messy affair in the car.
In my experience, decor varies widely from location to location. If you're lucky, you'll end up in one of the newer, more sanitized shoppes. If you're unlucky, you'll wind up at one of the older ones with lots of faux fishing gear strewn across the walls. Even if you manage to resist the impulse to pull the netting off the wall, the child in line behind you won't. You're likely to end up clobbered by a life jacket or an oar or possibly even a canoe (even though I think that commercial fisheries have determined that using canoes to fish for cod is not cost effective).
I would say that most couples travelling alone would be better off leaving this particular culinary option unexplored. But LJS does make for an excellent compromise venue for parents and children (or a group of travellers who are in a hurry but can't agree on any other fast food option).
Just remember to be generous with that malt vinegar.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Sloucho
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Member: Mike Davis
Location: Philadelphia
Reviews written: 199
Trusted by: 248 members
About Me:
Read my reviews in order to heal the sick and control the weather. Seriously.
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