Gally does civil unrest. CS Gas, Bullets and bomb threats in Bolivian Basket Case town.
Written: Apr 18 '06 (Updated Oct 03 '06)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Staff at Aerosur
Cons: Everthing else. To be fair the protests enlivened a boring holiday.
The Bottom Line: Kind of fun being involved in riots, but I realise I'm weird. For everybody else avoid like the plague.
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| travelgall's Full Review: Cochabamba |
I hadn’t planned on visiting Cochabamba, in fact I’ll go so far as saying that I didn’t even know the place existed until I actually landed there. I expected my flight to go straight from La Paz to a town called Santa Cruz whose wealth is basically founded on lots and lots of drugs. Anyhow, on boarding my Aerosur Boeing 727-200 I was greeted with the information that the plane would stop there before carrying on to Santa Cruz. Quickly digging out my guidebook to find out whether the pilot was making it up and was in fact describing some form of South American line dance I found the guidebook describing it as a place that in the words of the Rough Guide to Bolivia “has little to offer in terms of conventional tourist attractions”. No problems, not stopping here I thought, until I started seeing catering trucks; fire trucks and a bunch of people marching onto the runway. I had of course forgotten Bolivia’s ability to bite you when least expected. I was used to delays, strikes and general misery caused by the perennially work-shy, but I never expected it to get me when I was leaving the country. In England if a bunch of strikers blocked the runway, their shattered teeth would be scattered over the airfield due to blunt trauma from a Policeman’s baton before you could say “Solidarity Comrade”. Alas South America doesn’t work that way, and Bolivia with its Record breaking 188 Coups D’etat between 1825 and 1982 leads the way in Basket Case government. If Bolivia were an animal, it would have had that final trip to the vet to put it out of its misery years ago.
The national airline – LAB - was going bust and as a result its workers were going on strike to try and get the government to save their jobs. Now I’ve travelled to South America a fair bit, and was in Argentina four years ago when Lloyd Aero Boliviana were on strike. They’ve been on strike pretty much since then, and yet it is one of life’s great mysteries to the strikers why their airline is going bankrupt. They’ve hung round Ezeiza in Buenos Aires so long they’ve brought their own beds in. They’ve also knocked up some spiffy white “Dignity for LAB workers” which means that when it came to the free for all melee you knew who to punch and who not to. Not me of course, I prefer firearms and didn’t fancy 5 years in a Bolivian jail, but a nice French couple had to physically hold me back when Comrade LAB started to lay into the Gringos verbally. Not a wise idea having caused me to miss my connection to Buenos Aires as I was supposed to celebrate my 30th in New York with some friends. I merely had to contend myself with throwing drink containers at them. The locals however got stuck into them with gusto once our 3-hour delay became more permanent. There was one chap, staunch little fellow, who I was watching in the riot that managed to cause an admirable level of damage to a Trio of huge strikers before the CS gas started to dampen his martial ardour. It was a sterling effort as I saw 3 of the largest being taken away pouring claret from their noses, mouths and sporting bumps that were going to bruise nicely.
As the Riot police figured out that separating the passengers from the strikers would be too much like hard work they decided to CS Gas the entire terminal. I guess they thought they could sort everybody out in the sunshine, where they could crack heads and work on their tan at the same time. The CS gas was harsh and peppery to the throat and eyes causing a strong watery effect to the face. With fruity hints of Caramel, Blackberries and tannins, it was reminiscent of the classic 89’ Falls Road vintage with hints of the previous grandeur of the 2005 Chateau Paris Riots. I was getting all misty eyed, and not just because of the gases effect, it reminded me of the chipper period of my life undergoing NBC training at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst.
Once the place had been gassed it was easier to separate the strikers from the irate public, as even though their white t-shirts had red in places now; the Lloyd staff were still fairly easy to spot. After being separated the passengers were allowed to return to the airport terminal which sports a couple of restaurants/coffee shops; a hot dog stand, a newsagents and some tourism offices advertising the joys of Bolivia’s sights. I have to say the Aerosur staff were superb one and all, and they fed us with some basics – which was kind of handy as I was down to my last 60 Bolivianos. Everybody from the President of the airline down to the check in staff worked hard to make the best of a bad job and I can only hope that their airline goes from strength to strength despite the huge governmental incompetence and corruption that is found throughout the Bolivian state.
Unfortunately my English travel agent – Journey Latin America weren’t quite so helpful. When I phoned a friend (Journey Latin America’s number could not actually be called from Latin America) to ask him if he could get them to find a way out for me, he came back with the report that they had said that it wasn’t their problem. This is after their literature states that we will make every effort to assist you if something goes wrong. I wasn’t asking them to charter the Queens Flight to get me out of there, just see if there was another route to get to New York. What’s worse in my eyes is that they didn’t have the stones to call to inform me in person of the fact that they couldn’t be bothered to help. Before I left I told the woman who organised my tour not to book me on Lloyd Bolivia for any part of my flight, in fact I laboured the point until I was as blue as a Baboons backside. So what did she do… book the most important last leg on Lloyd. She said that there wasn’t any other option between Santa Cruz and BA, she was wrong as I finally got out on Aerosur no problems. The insurance company – Trailfinders underwritten by AXA was similarly useless. My good friend finally got through to Trailfinders who then passed me straight on to AXA as they only have their name on the policy. He eventually tracked down the guy at Lloyds who wrote the policy who said they wouldn’t pay for anything until I got shot. Then they’d airlift me out.
Anyhow, as the strikers had been evicted from the terminal they felt if they weren’t allowed in then nobody would be. I was about to tuck into my free Cheese and Ham toastie when the Police evacuated the building due to a bomb threat. The protestors were insisting on the President meeting them in person. Now old Evo might not be the sharpest knife in the box, but even he will steer clear of places where there are rumours of bombs. The IED boys gave the place a cursory glance without a wheelbarrow or bomb dog in sight, used their wheely mirrors to check under a few cars and gave the place the all clear. Now Bolivia is a place where you can buy dynamite in a shop, no ID; no 12 day waiting period; just straight off the shelf. I feel that the search was a tad on the short side. Then the Bolivian army opened up with Assault Rifles.
Our friendly soldiers who were chucking rounds down round us were equipped with the FN Fal 7.62x51 Nato Gas-operated, tilting breechblock, rate of fire of 650 RPM, Muzzle Velocity 823 m/s (2700 ft/;s). Eff Range 600 m. The rifle has a 20 round magazine so I figured they hadn’t been given the orders by the President to let loose as I only counted 6 or 7 shots rather than the fusillade of hundreds, well 10’s of rounds that the Bolivian government paid for. I would guess that they were warning shots, but I can’t imagine that the average Bolivian grunt gets too much face time with his shooter down the rifle range and they could just have been lousy shots. Remember that it took hundreds of them to shoot Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Now when you get hit by a 5.56 round the bullet bounces round inside you and is designed to would not kill (like landmines that are designed to blow your Fibula through your knee cap – wounded people tie up supply chains), the 7.62 is a whole different kettle of fish. The 7.62 passes through you leaving an exit wound that you could hide a tennis ball in, and tends to take whatever part of the body it hits with it, so I swerved hanging around too much. To be honest I felt sorry for the Soldiers, as the President had stuck them between his erstwhile ex-allies in the Socialist revolution and a bunch of very angry passengers. You know if one of them had shot a protestor then he would have been hung out to dry by the Hugo and Fidel show’s new guest star in the sitcom that is South American government. Not exactly the smartest move Evo could make as it will be these very soldiers that will be overthrowing him in 3 years time. It would be advisable to make nice-nice with the people who will be choosing whether to exile him or string him up from the nearest lamppost. I predict a Coup within 3 years for the reasons listed further below.
Because the army was half heartedly throwing chunks of Phosphor Bronze around the place, those kind folks at Aerosur decided they’d send us through the picket lines and off to a hotel. We were sent in taxis to a hotel in town called Hotel Prada. I have to admit by this point; having missed my connectors, I was having a sense of humour failure. The hotel was a 3 star with very basic rooms, a pool that hadn’t been cleaned since the 1980’s and shared bathrooms. Nevertheless the place was clean, and if you’re held up by civil unrest then its probably better than some other venues to stay. I ran off to Burger King to grab some food with the nice French couple and then sat by the pool awaiting further information on when - if at all the flight would depart. Other stuff of note about the town was they had a big statue of Jesus on one of the hills, but It’s hardly the Christ the Redeemer of Rio de Janeiro; and a pleasant main street with a couple of statues and some greenery. Before we departed for the hotel we were told that we’d get news by 18:00 hours – we arrived at 09:00 hours. At 18:30 a pleasant woman from Aerosur arrived, with a shortness of breath you usually pay $2 a minute to hear, to tell us that the flight would be leaving in 5 minutes and we’d better be on it. The taxi driver raced through to the airport and a bunch of wheezing passengers carrying their entire luggage legged it through security. There we were greeted with something that looked like the Fall of Saigon. The army were surrounding the plane whilst the protestors were kept at the airport fence throwing Molotov Cocktails.
Basically Evo Mor or Less has taught the lazy wank stains that have driven the Bolivian economy into the ground too well when it comes to rioting. He got elected because the people were pi*s pot tired of him causing problems, and a bunch of leftie retards from places like Norway swooned over the fact that his father’s swimmers were indigenous Indian rather than Colonial Spanish, and pumped money into his election campaign. He also got the left wing Spanish government to write off the debt owed by Bolivia, which the Spanish will no doubt recoup with the kind of Arms sales they’ve been agreeing with Sr. Chavez in Venezuela. The European left have been harbouring a grudge ever since the Uncle Sam funded Contra Parties threw out Ortega in Nicaragua; and millions queued up in the rain in droves to serve Ortega’s political backside on a plate. Though they point out that the US doesn’t like elections when their side doesn’t win eg The Terrorist Hamas movement in Palestine, and Captain Cocaine in Bolivia; they spit the dummy just as much when their pet politicians who reduce their nations to poverty and squalor eg Nicaragua, Eastern Europe and the Carter Presidency get booted out by the electorate.
Morales and his merry band of Injuns blocked any progress for years, and the Bolivians thought that if they elected him he would quit being part of the problem. A prime example of this is when he blocked gas sales to Chile. Despite the fact a referendum agreed that the gas could be sold to Chile, Moronles decided that he’d block the roads till they cancelled the deal. This is because the Bolivians lost access to the sea in 1884 and he thought the traditional South American Pro Patria card would work for him too. Of course when they cancelled the deals the Brazilians and Argentineans laughed like drains, as it meant that there was one less country willing to pay top dollar and they could knock the price down. I’ve never seen people striking to be poor before, but I’ve seen it since on the streets of Paris regarding their youth Labour Laws. I still haven’t stopped laughing at the French. Unfortunately like all politicians Morales promised them everything and has delivered nothing. The French have the Stupid British and Germans to subsidise their laziness and incompetence; without decent gas prices the Bolivians only have dumb old Uncle Sam to wing them the scraps of cash that they’re willing to give to stop Manhattanites from snorting white powder off their over priced glass coffee tables.
Now the Coca farmer has annoyed the Americans (and with them the world bank) with such nonsensical drivel like “the ideological principles of the organization, anti-imperialist and contrary to neoliberalism, are clear and firm but its members have yet to turn them into a programmatic reality”. And if you know what that actually means you have a bright future as a Poli-Sci lecturer at Berkeley. To be fair he put his money where his mouth is by cutting his salary on being elected to $1875 per month. Being honest, even with the cut he’s overpaid. He’s not actually doing anything except annoy Americans (which isn’t that hard to do, I find saying all their sports are girls games in England works a treat eg Basketball/Netball), he’s just touring the country as if he’s trying to get elected. What he isn’t doing is his job of trying to fix South America’s most famous basket case economy.
Anyhow my trip to Cochabamba ended with the Gringos running for the plane wheezing heavily as they threw their own baggage into the aircraft hold and pegged it up the stairs. On the plus side we were told to sit anywhere and I naturally chose to sit in club class. If you’re going to flee a country you might as well do it in comfort. Watching the troops fan out across the field as we raced to take off (the emergency exit blurb was being said as we took off) I hoped we weren’t going to get a repeat of one of the other airports where a striker had tried to drive a bulldozer into a landing aircraft. So my Fall of Saigon experience in Cochabamba ended with the Inky blackness of the Bolivian night sky being pierced by the golden glow of petrol bombs being thrown onto the outfield. Usually when people aplaud an aircraft landing I think they’re the sort of idiots who believe that we are infested by the spirits of Aliens. This time I was the first person to clap when the crate we were flying on left the tarmac. I was reasured to know that I had to relive this nightmare again as I struggled through round two of getting out of Bolivia after landing at Santa Cruz. It was here that I found my first fault in Aerosur’s service - the drinks trolley didn’t come out fast enough for me.
Recommended:
No
Best Suited For: Singles
Best Time to Travel Here: Never
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travelgall
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Location: London, Great Britain
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About Me:
Ex Army Stockbroker who spend all his cash on traveling.
Corruptissima Republica, Plurimae Leges.
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