Survivor III? Lord of the Flies? No, it's the Yule Present Write-off!
Dec 22 '00
This submission is part of the Yule Present Write-Off, organized by Petra. The goal of this write-off (in case you haven’t already stumbled across any of the many people who managed to submit theirs before mine) was to create the perfect gift for another Epinions writer, based on the personality they demonstrate through their profile and reviews.
Each writer was randomly paired with another participant in the write-off. A full list of participants and pairings is listed below, and links to everyone’s submissions can be found at one easy site:
http://expressyourself33.homestead.com/yuleparty.html
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Developing my Epinions personality
Developing an Epinions personality – an interesting topic on which almost 800 other individuals have opinions. Hmmm… Where to begin?
My first thought when I found this category several months ago was, “what? People actually need advice on how to develop a personality?” Then I thought about it -- I could be anything I wanted to be here on Epinions! It’s the online Army! Would my rather mundane personality and opinions really draw readers to my reviews? Should I read the submissions in order to understand what it took to really stand out from the crowd? My original view of this category began to change… until I actually sat down to write my first review.
What I found is that I was completely incapable of being anything other than just myself on Epinions. I tried to be funny… it did not work. I tried to be brief… it did not work. I tried to be charming… well, I managed to cheese a few people off with my comments, so I stopped. Then I tried to be straightforward and clear, honest and judgmental – all traits that define me – and Eureka! I succeeded in striking a chord with my readers.
If you have read any of my other opinions, you will notice that I write infrequently. I have to feel very passionately about something before I sit down for the few hours it takes for me to write a review (have you ever seen how long-winded I can be???). Therefore, the things on which I write have affected me in some way, either good or bad, and a lot can be told about my life right now as you scroll down my list of reviews.
As a result, I was completely intrigued by this write-off when Petra invited me. I have a rather basic profile page with very basic information about me – where I live, how I rate, what I do for a living, etc. Whoever was paired with me might be able to get a sense of my very basic elements, but my personality? Have I even been able to show a personality on this site other than that of an overworked, heavily-in-debt, graduate-school applicant with two cats? I waited with baited breath to receive my assignment for the write-off…
Who did I get?
I was paired with kinganamort.
What? You have got to be kidding me! Not only have I run across kinganamort’s reviews online, but she is on my web of trust. Not only is she on my web of trust, but I have read almost all of her reviews since I came to Epinions in September. Not only that, but I have her on my buddy list on AOL.
Kim is an Education advisor, and I have wrote most of my reviews in the Education category. I found her after she Somewhat Recommended my review of Bryn Mawr College. What an outrage! How dare she? Then, I re-read it. I realized that it was a terrible review, and that she was right to SR me (hey, it was my first review!). So I wrote her, asking her what I could do to improve my review, and thus, her rating. She sent me back a laundry list of ideas and suggestions, most of which I implemented. After I finished revising, she changed her rating and I began to read her reviews. Except for one review on the Ouija Board (which I disagreed with), I found her to be articulate, opinionated and a wonderful writer. And our online exchanges began…
But could I write this editorial? Could I craft a present for someone I know fairly well online, based solely on their profile and their reviews? After all, this was (in part) supposed to be a study of our Epinions “personalities”, and I didn’t want my choice of presents to be colored by the many conversations I have had with Kim online.
Kim, you will have to forgive me. You gave me a wonderful present, not only in concept but also in reality. You created a web site for me since mine is incapacitated. I am not nearly as creative as you (or as many of the other participants in this write-off, for that matter), but I hope you like what I got you.
You were easier to shop for than I thought. As I looked over all of your 148 reviews, I realized something – you are just like me. Don’t laugh, hear me out!
You are conservative, I am liberal. You supported Bush and his right-wing Nazis (sorry, I had to – just kidding!), I supported a straight-party, Democratic ticket. You work at a web-design firm, I am an investment banker. However, we have more in common than you might think. From what I have been able to tell, our Epinions personalities do not differ very much from our “real” personalities. We are both opinionated, outspoken, critical and straightforward. We may disagree to our very core on politics and religion, but we both seem to have stayed true to ourselves in our reviews. We are both honest, sometimes brutally so, and neither one of us appears to be afraid of revenge raters anymore.
I decided that I could in all good conscience give you my present, since the Kim you present in your profile and reviews is that exact same Kim I got to know online. Problem solved.
So what did I get you?
From doing my homework and surveillance, I know that you are a fourth-year student at the University of South Florida. Driving to work today in the snow, I thought I would send you on a year-end vacation to a tropical island. But I figured you didn’t need any more sunshine down there.
Then I thought I would be a complete smart-alec, and offer to get you a giant lockbox in which to put all Democrats. I gave myself a good chuckle, but I didn’t want you to take my gift as mean-spirited.
Dimpled-chad earrings? Too obvious. A framed butterfly-ballot picture? Too cheesy. A job offer in a state where they know how to vote correctly? Again, too mean-spirited…
I wanted it to be something you could really enjoy. Something that would provide you with memories long after the present was gone. Something that would double as a Yule present as well as an early graduation present.
I am sending you on a trip.
“Gee, how original,” you must be thinking.
But this trip is special.
After graduation, I am sending you to a deserted island off the coast of Venezuela. A place where your dog, Chrissy, can run free, and you can relax after suffering through your finance classes. But first, to get you there, I am giving you your own boat. As an avid sailor, you will have no problems getting to the remote island in your brand-new 42’ Endevor, the same one you had when you were growing up. With a boat that large, you will easily be able to fit the two, new Jet Skis I am giving you (hey, you have to keep yourself busy on the island somehow!).
Once you and Chrissy arrive, you will have few hours to freshen up before dinner. You might also want to take a nap to keep your verbal skills honed, because the guests at this dinner will be Rush Limbaugh, George Bush, Jeb and George W., Ronald Regan and James Carville (just for kicks).
I am presenting you with the opportunity to meet these men so that you can spend all the time you want with these men unfettered and on your own terms. I already arranged to have all of the their schedules cleared for the next five days, so this dinner is just an introduction to what should be a very spirited week of discussions.
I have arranged for you to spend as much time as you want on the island, but you needn’t fear that your “real-world” life will suffer. The island is fully wired with a T3-line for Internet access, and the generous folks at GravityFree have agreed to allow you to telecommute for as long as you wish. You will have three phone lines, a fax and a Pentium IV 1 Ghz Dell computer to use as you wish, but your evenings will be your own.
I hope you enjoy this present. It could in no way rival the actual present that you gave me, but since money is no object when it comes to my friends, I wanted to give you the best. I hope you enjoy your dinner and may it provide you with many years of ammunition for years to come!
Needless to say, you have done a superb job of creating a very powerful Epinions personality.
Happy Yule, everyone!
- Jen
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Please take a few moments to read the submissions by the other participants in this write-off. Here's who joined in the fun:
panterad00d----------chrisjoker
pcrepairguy----------guisseppy
cking------------------moonfey
superflychick--------lsebastan33
lkvanvoorhis---------lessaleigh
vemartin--------------anniwitch
schlamozzel----------driver4t5
lunadisarm------------psugrowler
cheekylass------------snakeayez
jo.com-----------------bobrocks
rongould---------------aribuzz
prfstars-----------------debbie26
gagirl40----------------macenthe
dosite1-----------------rotten
bunnyjav---------------kinganamort
lap0530 ----------------juliette
linda1527--------------craigmoosh
viper1963--------------azbrotha
kellydeal---------------seracorde11
orator-------------------flak-attak
petra--------------------akabecky
noniabidnis------------mattjoe
waltlockley------------jdinpa
althaea------------------thundersangel
adrienne10-------------gpatters
blackelve---------------pogomom
mellyn (melllyn)------repulsemonkey
madbunnie2-------------pianomam
drvalerie----------------ladydagney1
macresarf1-------------annexation
ogur----------------------muttgirl
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Epinions.com ID:
BunnyJav
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Location: Minneapolos, MN
Reviews written: 34
Trusted by: 59 members
About Me:
"You're the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say"
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