I Was So Fat & Ugly I Made My Mother Cry
Dec 29 '00
Ever had your mother sob because you were so fat and ugly?
I did.
She was convinced that I was not going to get married. After all, she seemed to feel that no male would be interested in being around me due to my appearance.
For as long as I can remember I had a problem with weight. My dream to prove all of the the critics of my body wrong was to become a fashion model. I would show them.
I went from obsession to torment. I counted calories over and over like Scrooge counting coins. My life was chained to a scale. I weighed myself continually, taking off all of my clothes and even waiting until I went potty to try again to see if I lost just one pound.
My mirror hated me. Every time I went to see if there was a change, all I saw was the "elephant woman". When the movie the Elephant Man came out, I cried until I could cry no more. I saw myself in the same way as he did. And in my mind, my reflection in the mirror was the same.
I was convinced that I was ugly. There was no help for me. I tried EVERYTHING.
When I joined Weight Watchers, everyone would clap if someone lost weight. My result was always silence. I never lost, only gained. No one clapped for a fat gainer.
One year I determined to please my parents and lose weight. I was in college and with the help of the entire staff of the dining hall, I followed the diabetic exchange diet. I lost 30 pounds in a few months. I even bought a new pair of pants and proudly went home for vacation expecting to have the applause and praise of my parents for a job well done. Finally someone would like me.
I got no reaction. Later, when a few friends and I wanted to go out at night and my mother called me over and said in front of them that I should pull my shirt out because tucking it in made me look fat. And in her book, fat was ugly and unacceptable.
I was desperate. I became almost bulimic. I had a desperate need to eat and would sob as I ate garbage bags full of popcorn. Tears streamed down my face as I would eat a complete bag of double stuff Oreo cookies. I would spend up to $17 a day on machine sweets only to chew them and spit them in napkins.
It got to the point where I was suicidal.
So how did I get out of this torment? In all of the years that I have helped others get free from their torment, I have learned on important lesson. Everyone has a different capacity to devote themselves to a solution. Not everyone wants to do ANYTHING possible to be free like I did. Many people want an instant solution- a pill or a fad food.
RULE OF THUMB WHEN ATTEMPTING A DIET CHANGE
If you want to change your figure and your health, your results will directly depend on the severity of your actions. That is the RULE of thumb when changing your diet.
The second part to that rule is it must be safe and well balanced.
Because I am not here to control your personal choices and actions, rather than tell you what to do, I will tell you what I did. It is safe, as you can tell from my current state of being after 20 years. You can draw your own conclusions from there and embark on your own personal quest........
ONE STEP CLOSER TO FREEDOM
One day after being seriously ill from stress for almost a year, my friend took me to a doctor. I had several doctors tell me that I was mentally afflicted and they just told me to stop eating.
This doctor was different. The friend who had decided to take me to her doctor was diagnosed with cancer 9 years previously and had been put on a new diet. She had already lived 9 years longer than the medical community had predicted due to her diet.
I knew that she was a walking miracle, so I decided to go to her doctor. She paid for it too.
When I sat in the office, I was looking at the bookshelf full of medical books. I expected a very detailed explanation of my condition and was shocked when he picked up a black book.
He turned to the first few pages and handed it to me. I looked at it and saw it was a BIBLE!!! I was about to walk out of his office when he asked me to hear him out.
He asked me to read what God had given Adam and Eve to eat. So I did. Then he took the book away and simply said that I had to do the same.
I was really angry at first, hollering at him that he did not know what I had been through etc.
He just looked at me and said that I could either do it the right way and have my freedom, or I could continue to live in torment.
He then handed me a title of a book to buy and then the interview was over.
I was so mad.
But I was desperate.
So I found the book HYPOGLYCEMIA: A BETTER APPROACH by PAAVO AIROLA (not in any way a "Bible" type book, by the way).
That book changed my life.
So did that doctor.
WHAT MADE ME FREE AT LAST
I have eaten a completely natural diet for almost 20 years now. I had to decide whether or not I wanted to be free. Then I had to rid my home of all of the offending foods that were damaging my body. My success depended on the extreme measures that I was willing to take to maintain my freedom.
Foods removed from my diet and from my home COMPLETELY
Red meats (other than wild venison or lamb once or twice a year)
all cane sugar in all forms,
all white flour and unbleached,
all canned and fast foods that had any form of processed sugar and artificial sweeteners,
margarine (causes lots of problems in the body)
dairy unless raw milk products from healthy animals
commercially baked products unless 100% whole grains with natural
sweeteners
chocolate (I have found ways to use carob that would astound you)
all soft drinks (unless made of fruit juice and natural only)
caffiene
all hydrogenated oils
Foods added to my diet and brought into our home
whole grains (we also freshly grind our own flour and bake our own bread)
seeds and nuts
lots of fruits and vegetables- the fresher the better
raw milk products only from healthy animals (I do not use dairy, only my husband and son like it)
cold pressed vegetable oils
honey or maple syrup as sweeteners
slight use of animal proteins such as fish, or wild game such as venison or lamb
baked goods made from 100% whole grains with only natural sweeteners (of which sucanat and unrefined cane sugar is NOT)
I might sound as boring and horrible as it did to me at first, but let me tell you, I have developed recipes that actually have fooled junk food junkies into thinking I had left my eating style.
My eating is so exciting now that none of us can imagine going back to that washed out boring food I used to be held prisoner by. It is really amazing!
Our teenage son often comes home complaining about that lousy food that so many others eat. He actually THANKS us for eating this way.
SOME SURPRISING BENEFITS OF THIS EATING STYLE
It took commitment from my husband, who was not completely convinced at first, but he did commit to eat it all with me.
In the first year, I lost 35 pounds and my eyes started to get better, and I no longer needed stronger glasses. I ate 3 times more than I did before and LOST WEIGHT.
For example, Before I would eat one small piece of pumpkin pie and gain weight. Then I would eat a WHOLE pumpkin pie made with natural ingredients (fresh ground whole wheat flour, butter, organic eggs, soy milk (I did not have cow's milk anymore)and honey).
Eventually, my sweet tooth balanced out and I started to crave natural foods for the first time in my life. And I am a gourmet cook. I have found a way to make a BETTER version of everything that I used to enjoy in the "old life" I used to teach gourmet natural foods cooking/baking classes that were very popular.
My husband stopped needing glasses totally and the eye doctor freaked out and said that he had never seen eyes reverse from such a state in a man over 20 before.
The amount of other stresses that we have had to face would have killed me had I not made this commitment to eat so well in our life.
In the last 20 years we are rarely sick and if we are, then it goes quickly. People constantly think we are 20 YEARS YOUNGER than we are. And most of this time I had no way to exercise although I wanted to. Yet the weight stayed off and our health was better than we could ever imagine possible.
Our children are always healthy.
CLOSING COMMENTS
I may not be a fashion model, but I am often asked if I am one. I have even been put into a catalog 2 times with a 3rd time pending. It is a miracle for a person that never felt anything but horrendously ugly and I am so glad to be able to share it with anyone who will listen.
After all, there may be someone else that feels as hopeless as I did.
This new way of eating is so fufilling and rich with possibilities that I can not tell you in this small space all that we have learned or experienced because of it. I still eat cheesecake, carob cake that tastes like devil's food so much that it is rarely detected by even the most strict pro chocolate/anti carob bunch.
I can make almost any entree a gourmet or just plain simple experience that fills up even the most finicky eater.
If you are a gourmet as I am, this eating style may sound stringent and barren to you like it did to me at first. But I promise you that if you get a hold of some really great recipes to start you out and then experiment with old favorites that you do not want to give up, you will find a lot of satisfaction eating this way.
I want to tell you that there is freedom available. I want to supply you with a word of hope from someone that tried almost everything else that there is and failed........
........ yet finally discovered freedom that has lasted for almost 2 decades.
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Product-Evaluation/Information-Specialist. Too Busy to Be KIND to Others? You are TOO BUSY.
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